Walking into the NICU today was such an odd feeling - like a cross between deja vu and a recurring nightmare. As soon as that door opened, the sounds and smells of the unit hit me. The sounds of the alarms on the monitors going off, like a symphony of bings and bongs - so many different babies doing different things at the same time, making a variety of different noises all together. The smell, like a concoction of hand sanitizer, soap and alcohol swabs - the scent is so distinctively "NICU" - it's not that it's a bad scent, it's just distinct. Then to the sink for the 2 minute hand scrub - something that I thought (I'd hoped) I'd never have to do again. Walking over to the room where Maddie would spend her day and night, I ran into one of the doctors who took care of Madison when she was sick while Dr. Kamtorn was on vacation. He immediately recognized me and asked me why I was there and followed by endearingly saying - "is that the trouble-maker in there?" - as he pointed to the car seat. Haha. The "trouble-maker" is Dr. Santo Domingo's nickname for Madison - so I told him that the trouble-maker was in fact in the car seat and was back to make more trouble. He wished us luck and we went on our way. I took Maddie over to her room - this time, she had her own room - she had to be put in isolation because she's already been home and made contact with the outside world, so she can't be around the other babies. The nurse had me put her on the radiant bed and began to undress her so that she could put the electrodes on her and hook her up to the monitors. As she laid there wearing nothing more than electrodes and a diaper, I rubbed her head and asked her if she was okay and I swear she smiled at that exact moment. I realize that her smiling is a completely involuntary reflex - that it can most likely be attributed to gas bubbles - but the timing was perfect. It was almost as if she was happy to be laying naked on that radiant bed, warm and cozy under the warming lamp - it made me wonder something that made me cry - does she think she's home? Is being in the hospital a more familiar feeling than being at home? It very well could be - and really, I guess it should be. I can't say that I'd blame her for feeling at home there. I mean, she'll be 10 weeks old tomorrow and 8 of those weeks were spent in the hospital. That would sound like home to me if I was her.
She looked pretty big on that radiant bed. Last time I saw her on a radiant bed she was somewhere around 3lbs and looked so tiny. Maddie still does look pretty tiny, especially at home compared to Melia - but here, she was one of the big babies now - and being on a radiant bed just looked strange for a baby her size. Speaking of size - it was time for her to get weighed. There is was - 2275 grams -you know what that converts to right? Yup - FIVE POUNDS!! Finally Maddie hit the 5lb mark! She's actually 5lbs 0.4oz to be exact - which is exactly 3lbs more than her birth weight. I'm so happy and proud that she seems to be on the right track with her weight. Once Melia hit 5lbs she was on the fast track to 6lbs - so I'm hoping that Maddie makes a smooth sail to the 6lb mark as well.
Next she was given her ID bracelet and I found it so strange that this time she was identified as "Madison Marcino" - rather than "Marcino Girl A" -it was so weird to see her being given her individual identity there at the hospital, where for so long she was known as part one of two. It's such a small thing, but it's something that I noticed immediately.
So once Maddie was situated it was time for her to have some blood drawn (they have to do a blood type screening every time that she needs a transfusion, regardless of the fact that all over her chart it's confirmed that her blood type is O positive) and the IV had to be started for the transfusion line. So the nurse suggested that I go get some lunch so that I wouldn't be in the room while her blood was taken and the IV line was put in. And that's just what I did. Unfortunately, I returned too soon and came back as 2 nurses were holding Madison down with another trying to insert the line. I saw this happening and turned myself right back around. I pumped and went back in a half hour - and by then, the coast was clear. Maddie was sleeping soundly, as if nothing had happened - and the nurse just looked at me and said "wow - your little girl is strong!" - haha - tell me something I don't know! :-) She said that they had trouble getting a good vein, which is always the case with Maddie, so that wasn't too surprising. But they finally got it. The line was in and now she was ready for her transfusion to begin. Unfortunately, it started a little later than anticipated. She got her first dose at 4:15pm - she'll get her second dose at 6am. Contrary to what I originally believed, they don't have to wait another 12 hours to do blood work to check her levels - they can do that a few hours later - so I'm hoping that the blood work will be done by 9 or 10am so that maybe she can be discharged around noon. Wishful thinking I know, but I'm going with it.
Leaving the hospital tonight wasn't easy - so I did it quick - like ripping off a band aid. I know that Madison doesn't really know the difference, but I do. A friend of mine had twins at the beginning of the year. For a couple weeks she had her son at home with her, but her daughter was still in the NICU. Someone suggested to her then - and she in turn suggested to me now - to kiss her son every time she wanted to kiss her daughter. So when I got home from the hospital tonight I gave Melia about 10,000,000 kisses - half for those kisses that I wanted to give to Maddie, and half for all the kisses that I missed giving her throughout the day while I was at the hospital and away from her. Poor Melia - I kissed her until she basically started to cry. Haha. Mike said she was really fussy today - crying a lot - which is very unusual for Melia (unless she's hungry that is). The same way that I like to believe that she was sabotaging her progress in the NICU in order to wait for her sister to come home with her - I'd like to believe today that she was upset because she missed her sister. She's such a good sister that lil' Lia. Okay - I have to go kiss her until she cries again - sorry - I just can't help it.
- Mike and Amanda
- I am a 29 year old mother of identical twin girls, Madison and Melia. They were born at 29 weeks, 1 day gestation and spent 8 weeks in the NICU at St. Barnabas Hospital in Livingston, NJ. They hit 40 weeks gestation on August 20, 2009 and are now considered full term. Even though they are actually 11 weeks old, they are just now considered to be newborns. I started this blog as a way to keep friends and family informed on what was going on with the girls while they were in the NICU. It has turned into a keepsake and a therapuetic outlet. I hope that everyone continues to follow along and enjoys sharing this first hand experience of first-time parents of premature twin girls.
Words that I came to live by while on strict bedrest for 6 weeks during my pregnancy, 4 of which were spent in the hospital ~ Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination. Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
