A month of catch-up....

It's been such a long time since I've blogged. I've been meaning to do it every day for the past month, but there has been so little time for much of anything lately. I hope everyone is still following along.

I'd like to start off by thanking everyone soooo very much for all of your support for the Miracle Walk. The walk was a huge success with over 2000 walkers almost $300,000 raised! The Preemie Dream team exceeded our team goal and raised over $3,300! The outshowing of support was amazing and I can't thank everyone enough for showing us so much love and support!

When we left off, the girls had just gone to their first appointment at the high risk infant follow-up clinic. Melia was taken off of the apnea monitor that day (though we kept her on it until the company picked it up on October 13th, so really, October 12th was her last day on the monitor because I cheated and got some extra time in ;-)). When they came on October 13th, they downloaded Maddie's monitor and I got the call that Thursday, that Maddie was ready to come off the monitor too. This time I didn't cheat - I stopped using the monitor that same night and even though the company hasn't picked it up yet, I still haven't used it. I'm proud of myself for being able to let go before it was ripped out of my hands. But the fact of the matter is that I know that she doesn't need it anymore - and I'm trying to get my neurosis in check. ;-)

The day after their high risk clinic appointment, they went to the gastroenterologist and Dr. Sunaryo was very pleased with their weight gain - Maddie weighing 8lbs 7oz and Lia weighing 9lbs 11oz (that was over 3 weeks ago on September 29th, so I'm not sure what their weights are now). He confirmed that the girls do both have an allergy to milk (which they'll hopefully grow out of by the time they hit their 1st birthday) and he increased their Pepcid to .4mls two times per day. It's amazing how different they've been since getting their formulas and Pepcid amounts straightened out. The hardly spit up at all anymore and their reflux episodes are few and far between - in fact, I can't even remember that last time that Maddie had one - though Melia has had them more frequently than she used to,  but still not often enough to be a major problem or concern. Our next appointment with Dr. Sunaryo isn't until January - and at that point he said that he'll try to start weening the girls off of the Pepcid.

They really are such good babies! They've been sleeping through the night very consistently, though I'm now trying to get them to go down a little earlier, so that's creating a bit of a hiccup in the over-night sleep pattern, but nothing significant - and I guess it's my own fault for trying to put them down earlier. If I put them down anywhere between 10pm and midnight, they'll sleep through the night without so much as crying for their binkies until past 9am - sometimes, to the point where we need to wake them up and get the feedings started in order to get enough food in them for the day - but if I try to put them down earlier, even slightly earlier, like 9:30pm, they're up somewhere between 3am and 5am - even then, a couple cries for the binky and they'll go back to sleep until 7-8am, but it's not uninterrupted sleep that they'll give if they go down a little later. Last week I started putting a bit of oatmeal into their last bottle at night, hoping that having a little extra substance in their tummies will help me pull off an uninterrupted overnighter beginning at 9pm, or dare I say, even earlier, but it hasn't quite done the trick - so we're tweeking things and eventually they'll get it down. But still, I can't complain with the fact that I can get uninterrupted sleep most nights as long as I let my little party animals stay up late. ;-)

I went back to work on October 13th and now I'm adjusting to yet another new routine. Seems like everytime I get accustomed to one, something changes and I have another one to adjust to - and I'm sure that cycle will continue for quite some time. I have to say, it felt good to go back to work. I feel guilty every time I say that outloud. There's this stigma attached to a working mom - like she should really be home caring for her children and if she's not, because either she needs to work to assist in the financial support of the family or because she actually wants to work - then she should be sitting at her desk crying her eyes out. There is this pressure attached to going back to work - everyone expecting you to cry and be miserable. I didn't cry once - I still haven't, and for some reason people make me feel guilty about that. I fall into both of those categories (needing to work and wanting to work) and it makes some people look at me sideways because I'm not that mother sitting at her desk crying about not being home with her children. My first day back at work wasn't painful for me at all. My girls were home with their father and being very well taken care of. I missed them of course - and I drove a little faster than I used to driving home from work that night because I was so anxious to get home and see them - but it felt good to be back at work. It helps that I love my job and my coworkers are my friends, who I also missed and wanted to see - plus, I need that professionalism - that adult conversation/interaction every day - I need to wake up, get dressed, wear high heels and commute to work - my professional side is a huge part of who I am and even though being a mother is also a huge part of who I am, it's not the only thing that I am - and I think that there's enough of me to wear both hats and not have to sacrifice either side of me. The fact of that matter is, that regardless of whether you're a working mother or a stay-at-home mom, you're missing out on something - you're either missing out on that professional side of who you are, or you're missing out on the joy of seeing every single thing that your children do each moment of every day. I consider myself fortunate to be able to go to work everyday and know that my girls are home with their daddy just about every day of the week. With the way that Mike's schedule falls, he's home all but 2 days/week - and with my 4 day work week, it only leaves the girls being watched by someone other than us just 1 day per week - and those days they're watched by Mike's sister or Mike's mother. They are always watched by family and I know that this makes my adjustment to work significantly easier. If I had to take them to daycare everyday, I'm sure I would rather be home and I'd be willing to sacrifice that professional side of me, or I'd be crying at my desk - but the fact of the matter is that in my case, I'm extremely lucky to be able to have the best of both worlds. I also think that my experience as a NICU parent as helped this adjustment. Unlike most mothers, I had to leave my children every single day/night for 8 weeks. Finally getting them home was a huge joy for me, and at first, I didn't want them out of my sight because I had 8 weeks of constant holding and loving to catch up on. But truthfully, if I could leave them every day for the first 8 weeks of their life with total strangers taking care of them (qualified or not, they were strangers nonetheless), then I can leave them 4 days per week with their daddy, auntie or nana.

Now, for the fun stuff...here's what the girls have been up to...

Madison started smiling the same night that I sent the last blog. I guess she didn't like me blogging about Melia's smiles, so she made sure to do the same. Her smiles have gotten more consistent in recent days, though Maddie is our serious baby. She makes us work for smiles - sometimes it literally takes a song and dance, but she'll do it when we finally do something that she likes. When she wants something, she doesn't cry - she shrieks - loudly! She's very dramatic and goes from  level 1 to level 100 in 2 seconds flat. She loves to look at herself in the mirror, like the true diva that she is. When she goes down to bed at night, she doesn't make a peep - she just lays there quietly even if she's not tired and will eventually go to sleep. She seems pretty independent, rarely crying just because she wants to be held. Most times she can take or leave her binky - she's not very attached to it yet and actually prefers not to have it when she goes to sleep at night. She still doesn't care to eat most times. Sometimes she'll surprise us and take a full 4oz bottle, but for the most part she'll only take about 3oz (every 4 hrs).

and to the exact contrary, let's talk about Melia....

Melia started smiling just before I sent the last blog and she is steady smiling all day long! She's such a happy baby! She gives away smiles for free all day long, starting from the moment she wakes up in the morning. She still only cries when she needs something, mostly when she's hungry or when she wants to be held. She's turned into our needy one in that regard - she needs to be held more often recently and likes to snuggle. If she's not tired at bedtime, she demands to be rocked - though only for a few minutes - it's like she just needs a few last minute cuddles before she's ready to call it a night. She enjoys sucking on her binky and NEEDS to have it to sleep at night. She's still our hungry one - rarely leaving so much as a drop leftover in her bottle. A funny thing that she does, is when it's time to eat we always change her diaper immediately before eating - if she's crying because she's hungry - I mean, she can be screaming bloody murder - but once we put her on the changing table, she stops crying and starts to smile - she knows that if she sits through a diaper change, that the next step will be food. It never ceases to amaze us - she does this every single time. I swear Melia genuinely laughed last week, but I haven't been able to get her to do it since, so maybe it was a fluke.

They share the same dna, they shared the same living space for 29 weeks and they share the same experiences at home - yet they are just about total opposites of each other. A few similarities would be these:  one thing that they consistently still both enjoy is the swing - it's the calming force in the house, and luckily, we have two! The one swing has a mobile that turns and has a light show with stars that circle around - it's so cute how every time we put them in the swing, they look up and wait for the light show to start circling around.  Neither one of them are big fans of tummy time, but they're doing it and doing great with pushing themselves up and holding their heads up. Neither one of them have much hair yet, though Melia has a little more than Madison. They both hate being in their car seats and start freaking out the second that the car stops moving. If I stop at a red light, or God forbid, for gas - forget about it - it's scream-a-palooza in the backseat, but the second the car starts moving, they're totally quiet - it's amazing. At this point, I look for bumps to go over just to make them happy in the car - the bumpier the ride, the better. Haha. They are both so interactive and so much fun. I just can't get enough of them!

**noteable mommy/daddy exchange - the week before I went back to work I was in the kitchen cleaning up and Mike called me downstairs. He was folding laundry and asked me to show him how I like the girls laundry to be folded. I thought this was adorable. Knowing what an anal retentive control freak I am, he knew that if things weren't folded a certain way, that I'd just go behind him and re-do it - so to prevent that he wanted to do it the way that I wanted it done so that I he could take care of the laundry during his days off while he's home with the girls. So I held an inpromptu laundry folding class. Fast forward one week...

mommy - hey Mike, I was just up in the girls room and three of the onsies in the drawer are folded inside out
daddy - okay
mommy - um, why would you fold a shirt that's inside out?
daddy - what's the difference? just turn it right side out when you put it on them
mommy - there's actually a huge difference - why wouldn't you do that when you fold it
daddy - (laughing) really?? a HUGE difference
mommy - um, yes
daddy - okay
mommy - okay, i'll be doing the laundry from now on

Haha. Oh well, it's the thought that counts right? ;-)

**cute Melia story - So last night was one of the nights that I attempted to put the girl down earlier than usual. By 9:30pm they were in their cribs and by 10pm I'd say they were both legitimately sleeping. At 3am Melia starting crying. So I got up, went to the nursery, gave her the binky and walked away. I make it a point to just give her the binky and walk away. I barely make eye contact because I don't want her to start crying to be held. This happens again at about 3:10am. Then, at about 3:15am she does it again...so for the third time I walk into the room and give her the binky - and the second I got over to the crib, she gave me this huge smile. It took everything I had inside of me to not smile back, to just give her the binky and walk away! I wanted so badly to pick her up and give her hugs and kisses at that moment. It was the cutest thing!

***check out the pictures in the blog posted right before this one***

PICTURES

The girls first pumpkin picking outing...they were like little balls of mush next tothe pumpkins....

Our Miracle Walk Team - The Preemie Dream Team

Thr girls were ready to walk....

The girls playing in their play palace...

And the next two pictures are two of my favorite pictures to date....

Madison hugging Melia while they were sleeping...

Classic happy Melia...