Day 25

Maddie seems to be getting better by the day. Her CRP is less than 1 now, which is a great indication that the infection is almost all the way out of her system. She was put back on nasal cannula today and is doing well with it, no apnea/bradycardia episodes so far today. She looks a little pale again today, which worries me that she may need another transfusion ~ and at this point we're not sure that the last set of transfusions weren't the cause of this infection that she's just getting over. Dr. Kamtorn ordered a full blood count to be done tonight and as it turns out her red blood cell count was low again, but according to the nurse, it's not so low that it requires a transfusion. I'll talk to Dr. Kamtorn about it tomorrow and hopefully she can confirm that. Tomorrow will be Maddie's last dose of antibiotics and hopefully Thursday she'll be back on her feedings. She's still looking a little beat up from being so sick for the past week, but she's definitely looking better than she was ~ and she's definitely acting more like herself the past couple days ~ so I think we're definitely back on track now. Just have to keep our fingers crossed that she won't need another transfusion right away. But if she does, at least we have daddy's blood in the bank waiting to be used for her or Melia when needed.

Speaking of Melia, she continues to do excellent. She's up to 33mls of milk every 3 hours now and she took her entire afternoon feeding by bottle! I mean, not to toot my own kid's horn or anything, but that's pretty exceptional! :-) She's pretty much the smartest baby ever! ;-) No, really, this is a great accomplishment considering she's only been taking bottles for a few days now. Unfortunately, this totally wiped her out for her night-time feeding, so she was only able to take 5mls by bottle for her 8pm feeding. But, it's all a work in progress. In order to really get the bottle thing down to a science, she has to learn how to suck, swallow and breathe all at the same time ~ which isn't easy for a little baby who at 32 weeks would still be in utero and wouldn't have to do this. So her inconsistency is expected at this point. But overall, she's doing a great job and we are very proud of our lil' Lia.

Lucky for us, the NICU had a set of triplets and two full term babies come in today all around 2pm while we were visiting the girls. Right before the nurses got busy with all of that, Maddie's nurse gave her to me to hold and Mike was holding Lia for her 2pm feeding. So since the girls were doing so well outside of their isolettes (maintaining their temperatures, oxygen and heartrates) and the nurses were so busy, we were able to hold them for over 2 hours! This was great for us (and for the girls), but I think that may have also helped to wipe Melia out, making her 8pm feeding really difficult for her (wow, I really can't stop making excuses for her, huh? - haha). Anyway, since the girls isolettes are right next to each other again, Mike and I were able to sit next to each other while holding them and it gave us an opportunity to snap a few quick pictures of the girls together. I was holding Maddie with one hand and the camera with the other, so I had a tough angle on Maddie. Hopefully one of these days we can get a really good side by side picture of them. Until then, we'll just be grateful for the few minutes that we could put the girls together again. Lia was wide awake during this little photo session and she looked at Maddie so curiously. It was really cute. Maddie on the other hand is still not feeling 100%, so she spent most of her time outside of her isolette sleeping.

All in all it looks like we're going back upstream. Melia is doing great with her bottle feedings and Madison is looking better day by day. Phew!

Day 23 and Day 24

In the past two days it seems that Maddie is getting a little better. Her CRP number, which indicates infection, has been cut in half, which is great news. I think maybe the combination of the third antibiotic along with letting her body rest while on CPAP may have been exactly what she needed. Yesterday I could definitely see a small change in her. She seemed to be coming around - moving around more and letting herself be known when she was uncomfortable. I was happy to see these things because it showed me that she must be feeling somewhat better. The tonight she really let us know that she's getting back to her old self. For the first time, one of us were able to give Maddie her bath. Since it was my turn to feed Melia, Mike was on bath duty with Maddie. As soon as the nurse took her out of her isolette (she's back in her isolette as of yesterday morning) and put her on the scale, she started screaming. Now THAT is the Maddie that we know and love! And then, she peed all over the scale ...haha...and then, she cried through her entire bath. Mad Maddie is on her way back! As much as it usually bothers me to hear her cry, tonight, I couldn't get enough of it. Her crying, expressing her discomfort - and boy was she LOUD - it was a great sign that she's feeling better. A few days ago she didn't have that kind of energy, so her crying the way she did tonight was actually a great thing. Dr. Kamtorn is still stumped as to what this infection is, but she's happy that Maddie's bloodwork is getting better and whatever it is appears to be on it's way out. She's thinking about taking Maddie off of the CPAP tomorrow. Maddie has been doing much better with her apnea/bradycardia since going on CPAP, though she did have a significant episode tonight - but it was shortly after her bath, so I think she may have just been a little too worked up. Dr. Kamtorn said that if all things continue to look good, she'll be able to stop the antibiotics and allow Maddie to eat again come Thursday. Good thing is that regardless of the fact that she hasn't been allowed to eat, she has still gained weight with the help of the electrolytes and lipids that she's getting through the IV - as of today she is 2lbs 10.6oz and 15 inches long. So, all things considered, we're hoping that by the end of the week Madison will be completely back to herself.

As for Melia, she continues to do really well. She's 3lbs 7oz and growing by the day! She's still taking 2 of her feedings per day by bottle and is doing pretty good with it. It definitely depends on her mood at the time of the feeding. She was so awake last night for her nightime feeding. It made for such a great visit with her. She took over 20mls over her 30ml feeding by bottle and then she stayed awake and out of her isolette for over an hour afterwards. She was so alert - it was great to see her that way. It's funny watching her face as she sees new things and hears new sounds - she has a look of confusion and curiosity on her face - she almost looks stressed out by it all, it's hilarious. My favorite part of last night was holding her on my chest and seeing her look up at me. At one point she had this look on her face like she recognized the sound and feeling of my heartbeat (at least that's my interpretation of it - haha). It was just so awesome to hang out with her for such a long time, with her being awake and looking around, looking at us as if she could actually see us and recognize us. Today she did a little reversal with the times - she was very alert and awake during her 11am feeding, and slept right through her 8pm feeding. She's very unpredictable this little girl.

And I'm thinking, this is only the beginning! :-)

Day 22

Have you ever laughed and cried at the same time? I'm not talking about laughing until you cry. I'm not talking about tears of joy that turn into laughter. I'm talking about experiencing both of these opposite emotions at the exact same time. I hadn't - until today.

Madison had a rough night with more than 7 bradycardia/apnea episodes throughout the night. This is a symptom of the infection and not surprising to the doctors. But, since they were coming with such frequency, the doctors decided to take her off of the nasal cannula and put her back on CPAP in order to give her body a rest from fighting so hard, in the hopes that she can rest enough to start getting better. For those of you who don't remember from the first blog, CPAP is continuous positive airway pressure - it's a middle ground between the ventilator that Maddie was on when she was first born and the nasal cannula that she's been on for the past couple weeks. The CPAP sends a much stronger and more constant flow of oxygen through the nasal passageway, making Maddie have to work less to breathe - and making bradycardia/apnea episodes less likely and allowing her body to rest enough to hopefully fight the infection off. Her bloodwork today was pretty much the same as yesterday. Her CRP went down by one point and her white blood cell count looked a little better also, but the doctor said that such a small change isn't significant enough to believe that the infection is on it's way out. So she decided to put her on a third antibiotic to try to give the other two a boost. So at noon today Maddie began her triple dose of antibiotics. She remains on IV fluids, which the doctors have now supplemented with electrolytes and lipids so that she hopefully won't lose any more weight (she's now 2lb 8.4oz - since Wednesday night her weight has yo-yo'd a bit, but all in all she's lost less than an ounce as of tonight - which is great all things considered). In another effort to get her to not lose weight, they're going to put her back into an isolette tonight. The doctor doesn't believe that they'll need direct emergency access to her, and apparently being in an isolette where it's more quiet and climate controlled, it will make weight gain easier for her. Tomorrow morning she'll have another round of bloodwork and possibly another x-ray - so we'll see where it takes us. It feels like Maddie has taken a step backwards by having to go back on CPAP, yet tonight she seems to be making a small step forward by being allowed back in her isolette.

Melia continues to do very well. She's up to 3lbs 5oz and is really thriving. She's up to 30ml of milk every 3 hours, that's exactly one ounce per feeding, so she's getting a total of 8 ounces per day! She gets to have 2 feedings per day by bottle (one in the morning and one in the evening). She didn't do quite as well today as she did yesterday in terms of how many mls she was able to consume during her feedings, but she's working on it. It's amazing how such a small change can exhaust her little body so easily. She screamed and cried for a full 1/2 hour before her feeding this morning (this chick knows when it's time to eat!) and by the time the clock hit 11am and it was time for her feeding, she had wiped herself out and all she wanted to do once I had her out of the isolette and in my hands was sleep. So it took a lot to get her to stay awake long enough to really make a dent in her bottle. She'll get the hang of it though. I mean, she's used to being able to sleep and eat at the same time with her feeding tube, so asking her to stay awake while she eats might just be asking too much of her sometimes. Mommy can relate - I don't like to work for my food either! ;-)

I've never in my life been so torn in two. Walking into the NICU this morning was so hard. After so many days of both girls doing so well, seeing Maddie battle this infection isn't easy and to see her back on CPAP was really difficult. And then to see Lia right next to her making the cutest little faces at me, in her little outfit, doing so well - it was like I was literally split in two with half of me so happy and half of me equally as sad.

I laughed for Lia- and I cried for Maddie - at the very same time.

Three Weeks Down

Daddy Blog: Three week birthday today. It really has been the slowest, fast three weeks of my life. The past three days have been so strange, and we have hit that bump in the road that we were afraid of. Little Maddie has been struggling of late, and has not been herself. We are still unsure exactly what she is battling, but we are sure that it has caused her to act very "Un-Maddie". Wednesday was pretty bad, and she had us all very concerned. Seeing her limp body, as her numbers crashed was scary.

Lia on the other hand is thriving. But it leaves you with such an empty happiness. Sure it is great to see Lia in some new clothes, but you can't help but be worried bout her sister. Its like the negative news for Madison has overridden anything positive about her twin. I want to be happy about Lia's progress, and I am, but when I lay down at night, its the vision of a sick Maddie that overwhelms my thoughts.

The night before I go to work is always a little sad. I know I won't see them tomorrow, and I wonder what I'll miss. But tonight, the girls left me with some nice thoughts for tomorrow. Maddie wasn't back, but she did give us a few 'Maddie-faces' and we started to see that absolute curiosity return. She is still weak, and not as active, but I do see some steps in the right direction, and that is encouraging.

Tonight belonged to Lia though. This morning, we were told (in passing by the way) that we could feed Lia with a bottle! We were both so excited to see how she would do. At first, we said that maybe we would have the nurse do the initial feeding. This was because of last nights slight scare. Amanda was holding Lia during her feeding, and a little came up. She then seemed like she had no idea what to do with this liquid in her mouth, and started to desaturate. So with this fresh in our minds, we thought we would watch the first feeding. But then I said to Amanda that maybe she should give it a try. She agreed, and she got to feed Lia first. The nurse told us that she would be happy with 5ml's, and she would have a half hour to accomplish this. Well, Lia started slow, but then got into a rhythm. Fifteen ml's later (which is half of her total feeding as she's up to 30ml every 3 hrs now - 30ml by the way is equal to 1oz), and it looks like we have a mouth eater! We were told that she would be given one bottle every shift. So we let the nurse know that we would definitely be back for the night feeding. I was so excited to feed her, and hoped she would do as well for me. When I got her in my hands, and gave her the bottle, she looked like she was doing something. I would check the bottle, and it was 1 ml. I tried again, spun the bottle a few times, tickled her throat, and tapped the bottle. Check again. 1 ml. What am I doing wrong? One more time. In it goes, and I don't know if at this point she was starving, but she found her rhythm, and I could see that she was taking her bottle! I was so proud of her. She did so well. She actually took 20 ml's when it was all said and done.

We also got to put Lia in a little outfit. She can wear clothes now since she is holding her temperature pretty well, and I think its only a matter of time until she winds up in a step down room. Normally this would be great, but Amanda and I are concerned about them being split up, and how we will divie up our time. But lets cross that bridge when we get to it.

As for now, I can go to work tomorrow knowing one little lady is getting closer to eating, and the other is getting close to being herself again.

**all pictures tonight are of Lia - we didn't take any pictures of Maddie due to her being sick**

My goal date...

So today is the 32 week mark for the girls - my goal date. Makes me so emotionally torn. Happy that they are here, yet sad for the same reason. I was hoping that I'd be able to stay pregnant until at least today. Giving the girls another 3 weeks inside of me would've made a huge difference - and that became even more evident last night.

Madison hasn't quite been herself over the past few days. It started out with her needing the transfusions that I spoke about in the previous blog and now it's turned into something more. After the transfusions Maddie was looking significantly better than she had, but then yesterday she once again started looking a little off to us. She just wasn't behaving like herself. During the day she was very cranky. Now, one of Madison's many gifts is letting the world know that she's here! When there's a problem, she let's us all know about it. But usually, she'll immediately stop crying and be content once the problem is solved - if she's hungry and you feed her, happy - if she has a dirty diaper and you change her, happy - but yesterday, nothing would make her happy - she was completely inconsolable and none of the nurses, nor Mike and I could figure out what was wrong with her. We chalked it up to gas pains and acid reflux - and thought that it was possible that her tummy wasn't agreeing with the fortifier that started being added to her milk. Before her blood transfusion she was taking 20ml every 3hrs without fortifier - then she's taken off of food for over 24hrs and put back on at 22ml with fortifier to provide extra calories, making it much heavier and not as easy to digest. So we thought that maybe all the changes in her food, topped off by her stomach being so empty and having the transfusion, just threw her off a bit. We left in the afternoon because I had my postpartum visit with my ob/gyn (all is well with me and my battle wound) and we were hoping that by the time we'd return in the evening, that she'd be feeling better. Unfortunately, by the time we returned, she was too quiet. She was clearly not herself again. As I tried to hold her hand, she was completely unresponsive. The nurse said that maybe she was just lethargic, having screamed her head off all day and wiped herself out. With tears rolling down my face I told the nurse that I really believed it was more than that and I simply stated "she's not okay, she's not right". Mike agreed that while she had a rough day and could've just been tired, there seemed to be something more there. She was continually having apnea/bradycardia episodes - serious ones where the nurse had trouble waking her and at one point she even turned blue. As the nurse would hold her up and try to get her to respond, her body was completely limp. So the nurse went to get the neonatologist on staff at the time to give Maddie an exam. The doctor, who isn't Maddie's regular doctor, but who has seen her before said almost immediately, "I know this baby, she's usually much more active than this" and that's when I really knew that there was reason for concern. The doctor ordered an immediate x-ray, drew blood, ordered that antibiotics be started and put Maddie back on the IV that had just been pulled out only hours earlier. She stopped her feedings until she could figure out what the problem was and had her taken out of her isolette and put back onto a radiant bed so that they could have easier access to her if anything needed to be done. So here it is - the other shoe has dropped. I'd hated to vocalize it, but Mike and I had said in the past few days how things were going frighteningly well - and while we hated to say it, we couldn't help but feel like something was bound to go wrong to knock us off of our high horse.

They x-ray showed that her stomach and bowel were distended. Her blood work showed that her white blood cell count and CRP counts were high, indicating that there was in fact some sort of infection. The doctor's main concern was that this could be an early sign of NEC, which I forget what exactly it stands for and I refuse to google because I'll end up self-diagnosing and driving myself nuts - so feel free to google it and keep whatever you find to yourself. :-) But anyway, what I do know about NEC is that it's a gastrointestinal disease that causes an infection of the bowel and it would typically begin at this exact stage of a premature baby's life - this stage being when IV fluids have stopped and full milk feedings have begun and become increasingly larger. All these changes can be too much for the immature bowel of a premature baby to handle and can cause bacteria build up, inflammation and infection. Because as Dr. Kamtorn said, and I am reminded of everyday, this little girl isn't supposed to be here yet. Her 32 week old stomach shouldn't have food being introduced to it. She shouldn't have to digest food at this age. The doctors aren't sure that this is what Madison has, but all signs seem to point in that direction. It seems to have been caught early enough that it hasn't caused too much damage to her intestines so the x-rays are inconclusive as to whether or not this is the beginning stage of NEC. NEC is treated by stopping the feedings (which they did last night) and giving the stomach and bowel a rest - in addition to the introduction of antibiotics which will hopefully knock the infection out before it gets any worse. While the doctors aren't sure that she even has NEC, they are treating her as if she does as a precaution. If NEC gets to a higher stage, it could require surgery - so to avoid something like that, they're treating her as if she does have it. So she's not allowed to eat for a 5-10 days (depending on how long they feel the need to keep her stomach resting, which will depend on upcoming blood work and x-ray results - poor little thing, her 1/2oz per day weight gain will be put on hold for a while, as of last night she is 2lbs 8.4oz, so we'll see where it goes over the next few days) and she'll stay on a double course of antibiotics to try to knock the infection out of her system. While she does have some symptoms of NEC, she's lacking some other symptoms that Dr. Kamtorn believes would be present if she has NEC. So we really have no clue at this point what exactly is going on with little Maddie. If this infection isn't NEC, it could be some sort of blood infection caused by the blood transfusion. But it doesn't look like we'll know for sure what it is until they continue to do testing every few hours to see how her body responds to the medication.

On the other hand, Melia is doing extremely well. She has maxed out at 28ml of milk every 3 hours and is handling the extra fortifier very well. She's tolerating all of her feedings and is like a little superstar of the NICU. As of last night she is 3lbs 3.7 oz and looks bigger and bigger by the day! She hasn't been having any significant apnea/bradycardia episodes. When she does have a quick episode it's usually self-limiting, meaning that she can bring herself out of it without any help from the nurses - so she'll forget to breathe and then remind herself to start back up on her own. But, watching Madison get all the attention yesterday and today must have taken it's toll on Lia, since this morning, she showed me who's boss! We're there at the NICU, trying really hard to split our time and not ignore Melia due to Madison being sick. But of course, it's really difficult when Melia looks so perfect and Madison looks like she's just gone 12 rounds with Tyson. So truth be told, Madison has gotten more of my attention in the last 2 days, regardless of my efforts to split myself in two. So Melia started fussing this morning and I went over to her, talked to her for a bit and checked her diaper. Sure enough, she had some poopies in there, so I ask Mike to wet some towelettes for me and I start to change her diaper. Now, I've changed probably a thousand diapers in my day. I've been pooped on by all of my nieces and nephews at one point or another - and some of my friends kids. I figure, at this point, I've mastered the art of the poopy diaper. So I'm doing everything the right way and I'm just about to slide the new diaper under her little tush when all of a sudden there is poop everywhere!!! I mean, EVERYWHERE! I've seen projectile vomit but I've never, until today, seen, or even heard of, projectile poop! This thing loosely shot out of her like water through a garden hose and projectiled out of the door of the isolette and all over me - not just on my hand that was in the isolette with her - outside the isollete and ALL OVER ME! This little 3lb baby, confined to an isolette with plastic walls all around her, found a way to have her poop strategically fly out of a small doorway and she totally slimed me! As Mike said, it looked like a crime scene if only the poop was blood. Her isolette couldn't even be washed down because it was all over the place. They had to call for a new, sterilized, isolette to be delivered to the NICU and her house was changed. I can't even do this poop story justice. I really think you had to be there. But, lesson learned, I will have to get better at splitting myself in two because when Melia doesn't get attention - she gets even!! That, and next dirty diaper of Melia's has daddy's name written all over it! :-) Even though she didn't have all of my attention, Melia did have the attention of daddy and Nana (Mike's mom) today. Mike got to hold Melia while I was off doing my pumping duties and Nana got to hold Melia for the very first time today. I guess they're off the shit list (pun totally intended). ;-)

My goal date....bitter sweet as I see how great Melia is doing right now...as I get to hold my girls, engage with them and look at their beautiful little faces...yet I watch Madison struggle, as her little 32wk old body is forced to do things that it's not ready for because she still belongs inside her mommy.

Days 17 and Day 18

Apologies for not being able to keep the blogs coming nightly. I feel like I'm finally getting myself into the swing of things and not feeling so exhausted all the time, but internet access problems at home have been the culprit in recent days. We're working on getting it fixed, so bare with us if we don't blog every night. I'm blogging from the hospital right now, so this one will be short and sweet - and I don't have my camera cord to upload pictures, which is probably all anyone wants to see anyway! Haha. Sorry about that. Hopefully we'll be back in working order in a few days or so.

Yesterday was a rough day for Madison, and so, a rough day for me. When we got to the hospital for our morning visit I could tell that Maddie just wasn't herself. She was off the phototherapy lights and was no longer jaundice, but now she was white as a ghost, which made an obvious difference in her appearance. But besides that, she just seemed weak and lethargic - not nearly as feisty as her usual self - and it nearly threw me into hysterics seeing her behave so differently. I felt like maybe something was going wrong. Luckily, it wasn't anything serious, but afternoon blood work did show that she needed another blood transfusion. Maddie is anemic and her body is not producing red blood cells at a fast enough pace to make up for the red blood cells that are being broken down (perfectly normal for premature babies) - so the transfusion will give her that red blood cell boost that she needs. So yesterday she had her 4th blood transfusion and today she had her 5th. My poor baby - just as she went off of the IV, she needed to get it put back in. And to make matters worse, she couldn't eat for over 24 hours! Try telling a newborn baby who JUST got used to eating and keeping all her yummy food down, that now she can't eat! It wasn't pretty. Let's just say that we learned that Maddie definitely doesn't have any problems with her vocal cords, and it seems that those lungs of hers are now fully developed! But there is a drastic difference in her behavior and the way she looks. The transfusions definitely did the trick and Maddie is back to her old self. She's up to 20ml of food every 3 hours and they're adding a fortifier to my milk now in order to provide more calories and try to bulk her up. As of tonight she's 2lbs 7.8oz. I got to hold her for a nice long time today and enjoyed every second of it. She got a little too comfy a couple times and forgot to breathe, having a couple apnea/bradycardia episodes, but other than that, we had a great time being together today. Mike was at work, so I used the alone time to tell her some funny daddy stories. ;-)

Melia is pretty much in the same boat as Madison. While she didn't need a transfusion just yet, the doctor said that her bloodwork shows her red blood cell count getting a little low, so they anticipate a transfusion being needed in the upcoming days (good thing Mike donated that blood when he did, turns out the girls really did need it). So unfortunately, she too will have to endure the pain of the IV once again, and what's probably even worse for her, she'll be without food for over a day. I'm not looking forward to hearing her reaction to that! She's up to 28ml of food every 3 hours and they're adding the fortifier to my milk for her feedings also. As of tonight Lia is 3lb 3.4oz. I got to hold her for a long time today too. Lia handles being held a little better than Maddie. While she held her breathe a couple times and needed a little nudge, she didn't have any apnea/bradycardia episodes.

So overall the girls continue to do very well. With the exception of a few apnea/bradycardia episodes here and there - and a couple blood transfusions, everything has been going exceptionally well. And even these things are expected with such premature babies, so they're doing pretty much what they're expected to do at this point. Dr. Kamtorn said that we might try to introduce the bottle to them later on this week since they'll be 32 weeks on Thursday. They won't quite know what to do with the bottle, but it's all about introducing it to them so that they can start to learn how to eat by bottle rather than a feeding tube. So we are looking forward to that.

That's all for now. Stay tuned....

It's not just Thursdays that have taken on new meaning...

Daddy blog...just got home from my first Father's Day dinner. It's been a great day that started off with breakfast in bed and a present from my girls. They got me a printer to go along with a new camera that I just bought to take lots of pictures of my little angels. So all of a sudden, I'm THAT dad. The one walking around with a camera hanging around his neck, waiting for the next funny face his kids make.

The girls continue to make small strides each day. Both are off of the IVs and receiving all of their nutrition from their feedings (which makes me feel great because watching/listening to Maddie go through getting an IV put in broke my heart). Maddie was back under phototherapy today because her jaundice started creeping up again. I feel bad when she has to wear those blinders because she's so curious and loves to look around.

They are both continuing their steady weight gain, which is great. Lia is up to 3lbs 2oz and Maddie is up to 2lbs 6.4oz - you can tell that we're happy with any weight gain from Maddie, because we add the point whatever to the ounces. Amanda gave Lia a bath for the first time yesterday. It's so awesome to get to engage with them in these small ways.

Amanda and I used today as a celebration of how far we've come. It's been such a long journey just to get to this point. She has had to sacrifice so much. I gave blood yesterday (to be directed donated to the girls in the likely event that they require more blood transfusions) and it felt like the first thing that I've been able to physically give to my girls. Meanwhile, Amanda had to change everything and give so much as far back as when these little girls were just a hope.

Father's Day has never meant that much to me, but today was like a whole new beginning. Amanda made it a great day and I got to hold Melia for nearly an hour. I can't wait for my next Father's Day....next year, my girls will help their mom make breakfast.

*top picture is Lia - middle picture with the white and purple hat is Maddie - bottom picture is dad holding Lia*

Two Weeks Down

Wow. Two weeks down. This has been the longest, yet shortest two weeks of my life. Does that not make sense? The days seems to be going by so quickly, with multiple trips everyday up to the NICU and spending as much time as we can with our little girls, the days seem to fly by and literally merge into the next. Yet, with trying to juggle that and still keep up with other everyday things like food shopping, laundry, keeping the house in order, etc...it's so exhausting, making it feel like this routine has been going on forever.

The girls are doing so amazingly well that I almost can't believe it. This time two weeks ago I was being wheeled into recovery and Mike was with the girls, head spinning, trying to make as many mental notes as possible to bring me back a full report. A 2lb Maddie was on a ventilator and a 2 lb 12 oz Lia was on CPAP. Both trying to make sense of the world that they'd just entered so unexpectedly. Both trying to breathe. Both trying (successfully) to be strong and fight their way through. We've had two weeks of ups and downs - gratefully, mostly ups! Now, two full weeks later, as they're exactly 14 days and 1 hour old as I type this entry, they have each gained over 4oz with Miss Madison now tipping the scales at 2lbs 5oz and Miss Melia weighing in at a whopping 3lbs .6oz, they're both breathing with only the assistance of nasal cannulas on no more than 25% oxygen and only 3 liters of air pressure flowing through. We've held them, we've changed dirty (and super dirty) diapers, we've taken their temperatures and each day we're engaging with them and being allowed to partake in their care more and more each day. The smallest everyday things are milestones for us and we live for the moments that we get to do these things. It's nothing short of amazing! It's put a lot of things in perspective for me - as a mother (wow, still getting used to that!), as a wife, as a friend, as a daughter, as a human being really. Creating a new life is a miracle. Watching new life is a phenomenal experience and there is truly nothing like it. Not that I ever thought that they wouldn't be, but everyday I realize more and more that my little girls were worth the severely swollen ankles that I still have today and the scar that I'll have on my bikini line forever...they're worth every day of morning (and evening) sickness, every migraine headache, every terrible bit of heartburn that came after every single meal, every day of bloody mouth teeth brushing gingivitis, every pimple I got on my face, every stretch mark I have, every pound I gained, every night of pure exhaustion putting me to bed by 7pm in my first trimester, every single day of incapacitation on bedrest at home and at the hospital - and the pelvic pain in the last 2 weeks before they arrived that had me unable to walk, every tear that I've shed, every minute of missed sleep, every ounce of pain that I endured before, during and after they were delivered, every turkey or tuna sandwich and dirty water hot dog that I craved and couldn't have...I could go on and on, but some of my side effects are things that no one would ever want to discuss, so I'll stop. :-) But, you get the picture. Getting pregnant was not easy, being pregnant proved more difficult than I ever anticipated and staying pregnant was the most challenging thing I've ever had to do (with being completely stripped of my independence for months coming in at a not too distant second). But they are worth it all. My life has been made complete because of them. Mike and I have started our family and it's brought us so amazingly close that I can't even put it into words. And to think, all this perspective and it's only been two weeks.

**the top picture is Madison wearing her fancy new hat and the bottom picture is Melia during bathtime when she had a quick minute without her nasal cannula in her nose**

Day 12 and Day 13

Daddy blog today. These past two days have been pretty quiet, with some gains, and only a few small setbacks. The results for Melia's head scan came back, and there are no concerns. They both are scheduled for another scan on the fourth of July. Both girls are progressing well with their feedings. Lia is up to 14ml and Maddie is taking in 12. Dr. Kamtorn told us that they will keep increasing the feedings so long as both girls can handle it. The short term goal is to get them at a high enough dosage that they can come off the IV's. That way they would be getting all of their nutrition from mommy's milk.

Melia hit 3 lbs tonight! I think that would qualify her as a keeper! Maddie is up to 2 lbs 4 oz. She needs to get some rest, and gain some more weight. But she is the mover and shaker of the group. I think she would make a great gangster, cause she is always sleeping with one eyed open.

Maddie had a busy day. She needed a new IV because their little veins dry up so quickly. It was tough to hear her cry like that, as they tried to find a new vein. I had to look away. But she is a loud little thing. After her IV, it was time for daddy to change a diaper. Well, I think she was saving this one. Lets just say I made a mess of her incubator. There are certain steps that you need to take, and I missed a few. We have quite a bit of laundry tonight, because her sister also had a special present for me. It got on their backs, on their sheets, in all these cracks and crevices. I made a mess of the place, but I learned a few important lessons. For example, do not get rid of the dirty diaper until the girls are done going. I pulled away a diaper early, and I think I squeezed some more out of Lia by accident. It was traumatic. But at least I'm making these mistakes in an incubator.

Both girls got baths tonight, and Amanda watched Lia's. So maybe we will be able to partake in this soon. Lia's bilirubin is back up, so she is back under the light. But she rarely opens her eyes anyway, so I don't think her blinders bother her.

Amanda's mom visited yesterday, so the girls had some quality time with Grandma which we know they enjoyed! I can't believe that tomorrow is 2 weeks already. I'm hoping for another positive week next week, and watching for more small milestones.

Day 11

We were lucky enough to have another good day today. The girls had a good night last night and when we got to the hospital this morning they were resting peacefully. Madison had her head ultrasound late last night and Dr. Kamtorn said that everything is fine. She still has that little cyst on her brain, but it's not growing and totally insignificant. There is no bleeding in the brain or any other problems. Phew! Melia didn't have her ultrasound done yet, but we expect it to get done tonight or early tomorrow.

Madison is doing her best to prove to us that she can keep up with, and possibly surpass, her sister. Today her feedings were increased to 8ml every 3 hours (this up from the 6ml every 3 hours that she was being fed yesterday). Melia's feedings on the other hand are staying at the same 8ml that she was being fed yesterday since she was having trouble digesting the full amount. So there we have it - where feedings are concerned, Maddie has caught up to Melia. Hopefully this will help bulk her up! ;-) They both gained 10 grams since yesterday. In pounds and ounces this is insignificant as they are still 2lbs 2oz and 2lbs 12oz, as they were yesterday. But, little by little, they're getting there. We get this morning emails from the hospital every morning letting us know how things went overnight. This morning, Madison's email let me know that she pooped 5 times yesterday. I guess I should've kept that in mind when the nurse asked it I wanted to change Maddie's diaper and I gladly accepted. With that, I changed Madison's first REALLY dirty diaper! Aside from dirty diaper changes, we also got to hold the girls this morning. As soon as the nurse asked if we wanted to hold them, Mike jumped up and volunteered to be first before I could get a syllable out! He worked yesterday and missed them a lot. So Mike held Maddie and I held Melia.

When we went back tonight we walked in on Maddie having a full blown fit of rage in her isolette. Haha. It was so sad, yet hilarious. She was living up to her Mad Maddie nickname - completely enraged for no good reason. I couldn't believe that all this crazy noise was coming from this little 2lb baby! The nurse was trying to calm her down but it truly seemed that she was upset for no reason. So the nurse wrapped her up and placed her in my arms and she calmed down. What an awesome feeling! Then the nurse asked me if I wanted to try "kangaroo care" - this is a special way to hold the baby so that skin-to-skin contact is made. Ideally, mom or dad would wear a button down shirt so that the shirt could be opened easily and the baby could be placed on mom or dad's chest. Today, I did not have a button down on, but we did the best we could by shifting around my tank top. Madison laid on my chest for over an hour. She spent most of her time sleeping, I think that she could hear the sound of my heart beating - and I believe that it soothed her. The rest of the time she spent looking up at me making funny faces. She's really funny with the faces she makes. ;-) While I was holding Maddie kangaroo style, Mike was holding Lia. She spent the majority of her time sleeping. She looked so calm and peaceful.

Something really started to set it with me today. The woman that I met at the NICU pizza party on Sunday night said something that stuck with me. She had a very similar experience to ours - going into preterm labor and delivering her twins at 26 weeks. She said that we have to give our babies more credit - that they know when it's time to come out of the womb and when they're better off in the outside world. That's something that I'd been trying to convince myself of to make myself feel better about my body not being able to hold the girls in longer. When she said it, I was able to convince myself of it only slightly more. All I was really trying to do was make myself feel better with the whole 'everything happens for a reason' cliche - but it wasn't working because I didn't really believe what I was telling myself. But in the past couple days as I look at Madison and how much smaller she is than Melia, I'm realizing more and more that while they were inside of me, sharing a placenta, that Melia was clearing stealing some of Madison's nutrition, and while the doctors noticed this at about 23 weeks along, at that point there was only a 4oz difference between them and follow up ultrasounds showed the same 4oz difference, so there was nothing to worry about. But when they came out and there was a 12oz difference between them, it became obvious that Melia had stolen some food from Madison - and had this continued if they stayed in utero, who knows what the outcome would've been for Maddie. Maddie knew that she needed to get out of there in order to stay strong enough to make it - I believe that. And while it doesn't take away from the fact that I want my babies back inside of me - it does legitimately make me feel better to know that this happened in order to save Maddie. I mean, what would the world have done without this little face???

I'll leave you with some classic Maddie moments. She's quite the character this little one. She tends to keep one eye opened at almost all times; it's as if she's afraid to fully go to sleep because she doesn't want to miss anything. And of course, it wouldn't be a day without Maddie trying to remove her oxygen from her nose. Haha. She's too much.

Meanwhile, Melia was hanging out, trying to get her breathing right after going back into her isolette when daddy was done holding her.

Day 10

Today was another quiet day, which was just fine in my book! Both girls had increases in their feedings again today. Melia is now up to 8ml every 3 hours and Madison is up to 6ml every 3 hours. Just yesterday they were increased to 5ml and 4 ml, so I can't believe that they're increasing them again so soon! Maddie is tolerating all of her feedings very well. She's digesting all of her food and spent most of her day today sleeping...I'm pretty sure she's on a growth mission to catch up to her sister! Lia is tolerating the majority of her feedings, digesting about 6ml of her 8ml feedings. I'm not sure if her body just needs time to adjust or if maybe 8ml was too big of a jump from the 5ml that she had yesterday and the 3ml that she had the day before. Time will tell I guess. Lia had a few apnea episodes today, but it seems that a lot of the time she can bring herself out of these episodes and doesn't need help from the nurses, so that's good - she's still learning how to breathe, so this is expected. Maddie is doing really good with her apnea and hasn't had an episode in a couple days. As of tonight, Maddie weighs 2lbs 3oz and Lia weighs 2lbs 12oz - so Maddie is 3oz over her birth weight and Lia is back to her birth weight. They're still losing and gaining water weight day to day right now - but now that their feedings have been increased and they're tolerating them well, hopefully we'll start seeing some consistent weight gain. They were both pretty sleepy today, so I spent most of my day just watching them sleep peacefully. They didn't get their head ultrasounds today because the NICU was pretty busy and it's not an emergent test, so the nurse said that they will probably be done early tomorrow morning.

The highlight of today was that I got to hold both Maddie and Lia at the same time. It was incredible. Although Maddie started to desaturate and Lia had an apnea spell while I was holding them - I'm wondering if these two hate each other and didn't want to be near each other or something! Haha. Of course I'm sure that's not true. I think maybe all 3 of us were overwhelmed by being back together again. Last time I held my girls together, they were inside of me - so to hold them together today for the first time, outside of me, it was a really overwhelming, extraordinary feeling. Unfortunately, Mike was working today, so I was at the hospital by myself and the nurses were so busy (two sets of triplets came into the NICU today - it was chaos!) - so I wasn't able to get a picture of this - but, there will be time for that. It was a moment that me and my girls shared that will only be in my memory - and that's okay with me.

Weekend Recap

So we didn't blog yesterday for two reasons...it was a quiet day for the girls (which was great - no news equals good news) and pure exhaustion had set in and neither one of us had it in us by the end of the night. And from the looks of Maddie, this weekend exhausted her too...

Saturday was a good day. Both girls had baths and we found out that Madison loves bathtime and is VERY alert and active afterwards! Melia on the other hand screamed her head off through her entire bath, so the nurse put her in her favorite position (on her tummy) afterwards and she completely passed out just about immediately - and with that we also learned that Lia is a night-time mouth breather and will surely snore like her father. Both girls had a little weight loss, losing a few grams. This is no big deal as we are consistently told that changes in weight (in either direction) are due to water weight right now. But in the upcoming days the girls should begin to gain weight a bit more steadily. Which should be easier now since as of today both of their feeding schedules have been increased and the nurses told us that now they are truly digesting their food. Melia is now getting 5ml of milk (which is equivalent to a teaspoon) every 3 hours (up from 3ml every 3 hours) and Madison is now getting 4ml of milk every 3 hours (up from 2ml every 3 hours). They are both tolerating their feedings very well. Another great sign in a positive direction is that both girls are requiring the minimal amount of oxygen through their nasal cannulas and today even the pressure of the air flow was decreased on each of them from 5 liters to 3 liters and they both handled this change very well.

In other awesome news, Mike changed Madison's diaper for the first time today and took her temperature. While he did his daddy duties with Madison, I did the same mommy duties with Melia and took her temperature and changed her diaper. It's amazing how these little everyday things become milestones for us - things that we'll probably dread doing as a routine part of our day months from now, are things that we long for and can't wait to be allowed to do now. And the most exciting part of our day as many of you may have already seen on my facebook page or been told by us in one way or another - today, 9 days after they were born, we got to hold our little girls! The feelings that overwhelmed us can't be described. It was so emotional and completely amazing! Mike held Madison first while I finished up changing Melia. She looked soooo tiny in his arms - it was beautiful. When I was done getting Melia freshened up, I got to hold her. And there we were, Mike and I sitting next to each other, each holding one of our little girls! I couldn't believe that we were able to do this already! Mike had to put Maddie down a little early because her medication line kept getting tangled up, so after a while I decided to share Lia with him...and Mike held Melia. I didn't get to hold Maddie yet, but there will be time for that. I'm so grateful for what I was able to do today. My friend Gina was there and she has a few video clips which I'm working on trying to upload for those who haven't already seen it on my facebook page. It was an unforgettable moment in both of our lives!

All that excitement was in the morning. Then we went back tonight for NICU family pizza night. This is an event held once a month in the NICU lounge where parents and families of NICU babies can get together, share stories, support each other and have some free pizza. ;-) Mike and I are trying to get involved in as many of these events as we can and I'm glad that we went tonight. I met a woman who was there as a volunteer. She is a NICU graduate who had twins at 26 weeks and her children are now 18 months old. We shared not only a lot of the same experiences, but also a lot of the same views and feelings on what we've been through. Things that I've been feeling that I've been afraid to admit to anyone but Mike, I was able to talk to her about and see that I'm not the only one who has felt this way. It was really therapeutic and helpful for me.

This was such a great weekend and I know that this roller coaster ride is nowhere near being over, but I'm enjoying the good stuff while it lasts! ;-) The girls are having their follow up head ultrasounds tomorrow and Dr. Kamtorn is confident that they will be clean. So everyone keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer or just think happy thoughts...and you know, we'll keep you posted.

One Week Down

I'm going to try and get the vision of Luis Castillo dropping that ball moments ago by guest blogging. Normally I would be sick to my stomach to see my Mets lose a game the way they just lost it to the evil empire, but with today's events, it is going to roll off my back. Just like the Mets season, the NICU has proven to be the roller coaster everyone expected, and after yesterdays slight downturn, the girls went on a supreme uptick.

We had three different visits to the girls, and the first one started off well. I went to see Lia, and saw her on her stomach for the first time. It looked as though she was ready for a massage! She was still on CPAP, but her oxygen numbers looked great, and I could see that she was doing all the breathing on her own. Meanwhile, Maddie was in her isolette looking very strong. She was on a nasal cannula and we were told she only had one apnea episode the previous evening. Her billirubin numbers had gone up overnight, and she was back under the phototherapy light.

We left for a quick stop at Babies R Us, and its amazing how that store changes when you are shopping for your own kid!! This then lead to me having to do my first load of baby laundry with something that they call "Dreft".

We returned to meet with Grandpa and Grandma Rosie. Both girls were still performing well. However, Melia was placed on her back and threw a fit! Normally, with an episode like this, she would desaturate. But I noticed that her oxygen numbers weren't falling. I tried to sooth her, and let her know she could go on her belly later, but she wasn't hearing it! But still, no decline in the oxygen number. After a good 3 minutes of flipping out, Dr. Kamtorn came over, and noticed that she was holding steady. She told us, she thinks Lia would be able to handle the cannula, and even be put her in her own isolette! This was good news, and we looked forward to coming back that evening.

We returned for our final visit with Uncle Joe and Aunt Riss. I rushed over to see if Lia was in an isolette, and saw that she was! She was also on a nasal cannula, and needed no light. So she was finally free from all the wraps around her face. She looked great. Then the nurse handling the baby next to Lia says hello, and that she is Madison's nurse. The girls are now next to each other! The whole family is together!

Madison's nurse was very thorough, and very interactive. All the nurses have been great, and will give us information at any time. Some just seem to believe in a more hands off approach. But Maddie's nurse tonite let us see so much, and let us do somethings too. Amanda got to change her first diaper and take her first temperature. We also heard Maddie cry for the first time. (And I thought she was going to be the quiet one) But during her assessment, she let us know she wasn't happy. It was great to see a full assessment, and all the things they check for. Lungs are checked. The abdomen for distention is checked. Just a complete scan of our little girls.

So it was a great day. Both girls gained weight (Madison is up to 2 lbs. 2 oz, up an once, and Melia is up to 2 lbs. 15 oz, up another 2 ounces). Both are breathing well, and handling their food intake. It was such a good day, that I wont even think about a little fly ball being dropped in short right field.

Day 7 - Milestone Thursday takes on new meaning...

So today is Thursday and is what used to be referred to as Milestone Thursday. Every Thursday I would hit another landmark week in the pregnancy and would just hope to make it one more week to the following Thursday. Obviously I didn't make it to today pregnant, but still, the girls have made it in a big way! They are now 30 weeks old in gestational age - yet tomorrow, they will be one week old. This week has flown by way too quickly!

Today was a crazy day. Way too eventful for my liking. Not only was there so much going on with the girls, but today was also Mike's first day back at work, so I was at the NICU by myself for the first time and the timing couldn't have been worse. I called the unit at about 9:30am to check on the girls and to let the nurses know that I would be on my way up to the hospital shortly. At that time Dr. Kamtorn hadn't made her rounds yet, so we weren't sure where the day would take us. By the time I got up to the hospital about an hour later, everything had changed. I walked in to the NICU to see both Madison and Melia off of the ventilators and only on nasal cannulas. I couldn't believe it. Madison was also in an incubator, which is a step up from the radiant warmer bed that she'd been in since her birth day. Radiant warmers are used when a baby is very unstable or extremely premature. Small babies have a large surface area compared to their volume, and little body fat, and cannot maintain their own temperature. The shelves attached to the warmer allow monitors and other equipment to be placed conveniently near the baby, the glass side walls prevent the baby from being chilled by drafts, and the open nature of the radiant warmer allows physicians and nurses to have easy access to the baby from all sides during the most critical periods. An incubator however is considered a step in the right direction because it implies that the doctors feel relatively confident that they won't need to have easy access for critical periods, or have large equipment (such as a ventilator) next to the baby. When a baby is relatively stable but still premature or requiring intravenous fluids or other special attention, he or she is cared for in an incubator. The incubator keeps the baby warm with moistened air in a clean environment, and helps to protect the baby from noise, drafts, infection, and excess handling. So it seems that Maddie is moving on up! She did have one apnea/bradycardia episode a couple hours after being taken off of the ventilator, but she woke herself up without any assistance from the nurse, so this episode was considered to be very mild. She had her umbilical lines taken out today and was even able to lay on her tummy for the first time ever! Unfortunately, the nurse didn't lay her on her tummy until I had left for the day, so I didn't get to see it. She was on very little oxygen all daylong, staying mostly in the range of 21%-23%, and only desaturated for about 30 seconds after she'd been given a bath by her nurse at night, which is amazing considering she was on a ventilator when she woke up this morning. She is doing most of her breathing completely on her own! She is so strong, it's unbelievable. Who would've thought that the little one - the little 2 pounder - would put on such a performance. Today, Madison was a superstar in the NICU.

Unfortunately, Melia didn't do as well. Coming off of the ventilator really stressed her out. She was unable to maintain her oxygen and was really struggling to catch her breath. So, she was put back on CPAP in the early afternoon. Just like on Sunday, it was so terrible to see her struggle. An x-ray done after she was taken off of the ventilator showed that her lungs were cloudy - this was not evident on yesterday's x-ray because she was on the ventilator at that point. So, it was determined that to put her back on CPAP was the best thing to do for her. Dr. Kamtorn is hoping that she's only on it for a couple more days, but mommy is in no rush! I can't stand the thought of taking her off too early and watching her go through that again. Of course, it's a necessary evil to determine where she's at and it's important to challenge her in order to get her to work on her own - but again, it's just so hard to watch. In other Melia news, she was put back under the phototherapy lights since her bilirubin numbers went back up. Also, she had her umbilical lines removed and a PICC line put in. Poor Melia had a really busy and stressful day - and of course - so did mommy. Luckily, before they put Melia's eye mask back on and before she needed to go back o on the CPAP, I was able to snap a couple quick pictures of her without all her head gear. ;-)














All of this happening on one day was almost too much to handle. Trying to break up my time between both girls since Mike wasn't there today - trying to be happy for Madison's progress, but being almost unable to due to concern for Melia. It was a crazy day. A day that had ups for Maddie - downs for Lia - and a mixture of both for mommy. Tomorrow is a new day. Let's hope for a good one for both my baby girls.

Day 6

Today was definitely an UP day - and having left the hospital last night and being away from the girls for the longest period of time to date - it's exactly what we needed! Both of the girls looked great! They were both taken off of the phototherapy lights, so their eye masks were of (whenever we got to see them with their masks off before, it was either good timing on our part because the nurses were cleaning them up, or it was the nurses being sympathetic to new parents who want to see what their babies look like and they'd take them off for a while so we could get a good look at them and take some pictures). We even got a rare glimpse of Melia with her eyes open! Dr. Kamtorn said that both of their lung x-rays looks significantly better than yesterday's x-rays and that there was a strong possibility that they would both be taken off of the ventilators tomorrow! Whoa! I don't know if mommy is ready for this! As much as I can't wait for them to be clear of all these devices, I'm afraid that they won't be able to handle it and I can't stand the thought of watching them struggle as they try to learn to breathe on their own. I realize it's a necessary evil, but I just don't know that I'm ready - then again, I don't think there will ever be a moment where I believe that I am truly ready. Maddie is still eating every 6 hours and is digesting all of her food. Melia is eating every 4 hours and is digesting almost all of her food. Maddie was doing so good that her nurse rewarded her by letting her wear her beautiful knit hat that one of the volunteers made for her. While we were visiting the babies we were approached by a couple social workers who were running a NICU 101 group in the NICU family lounge. After being approached for the second time, we decided to fall victim to the pressure and attend the group. Being a Wednesday afternoon, there weren't many parents there to attend the group, so it was very small - with the number of social workers outnumbering the number of parents in the room. Others told their stories and we told our story. We found it so awesome that all of the social workers had heard of our babies and were following alone since I was first admitted into the hospital when I was 23 weeks along. We were able to speak one on one with Dr. Sun, the director of neonatology. Dr. Sun knew of our babies as well, since every morning the entire neonatal staff has a meeting where they brainstorm about each and every baby in the unit. It's so great to know that we have so many people dedicated to helping us and making sure that our girls are well taken care of. Dr. Sun also said that he very much wants the parents to be a part of his team. If we have questions, thoughts, concerns, suggestions - he wants us to share them and be a part of the decision making process to come up with the best possible treatment plan for our babies. That is so important and made Mike & I very happy to hear. This group is held every week, with a different topic, and I think we are going to keep going to it. We want to get involved as much as we can to meet other parents and build a continued support system.

Day 5

So, today was pretty much the worse day of our lives....the day that we had to leave the hospital without our little girls. We know that they are in great hands and will be extremely well taken care of, but there is something just so completely unnatural about not being able to take your baby home with you. Leaving them behind was hands down the most painful thing I've ever had to do. Everyone wondered how I got through the past couple of months with such a positive attitude and without completely losing my mind - on strict bedrest - in and out of the hopsital, with my most recent admission being my last, as I was put on "lifer" status until the babies arrived. But truly, that emotional roller coaster was basically the equivalent of the tea cup ride compared to what I've felt since they've been born, and on this day in particular. I was a complete and total basketcase. There's no other way to put it. This is a day that I will never ever forget.

The day started out pretty good believe it or not. I mean, I woke up hysterical and was a blubbering mess before I even made it out of bed. But I cracked a smile when I looked down as I pumped away and noticed that I got my milk in. Finally the NICU nurses and doctors will leave me alone!! I went down to the NICU this morning with extra pep in my step, proud of the milk that I'd just made. :-) Today, even though I was being forced to go home, I would leave behind a piece of me to help my girls. Okay, enough of that, I'm sure the male folk don't appreciate it.

Anywho - let's talk about the girls. They are both still on under the phototherapy light, but their bilirubin numbers are getting better and their color looks great as far as I can tell. An early morning x-ray for Maddie once again showed that her lungs were still significantly immature and had some fluid in them as well. So, she would be staying on the ventilator for a while longer. To make adjustments to prepare Maddie (and her lungs) for the possibility of coming off the ventilator at some time in the near future, they decreased the amount of oxygen she was receiving and to make up for this, they increased the pressure at which the oxygen was flowing through the tube. Maddie is now on a every 6 hour feeding schedule, taking 2 ml at all of her feedings and digesting just about all of her milk. The big event for Maddie today was that she had a PICC line put in. A PICC line is a peripherally inserted central catheter. It's kind of comparable to an IV line in an adult, but the IV line here goes all the way up through her arm and advances through larger veins. This is one central line which can now be used for an extended period of time to give Maddie all of her medications, electrolytes, lipids, etc. Until this point, she had lines going through her belly button at the umbilical cord site, but this site can only be used up to the first week due to risk of infection. For now, they'll keep the umbilical cord lines active as well, until they make sure that the PICC line is working properly and then they'll remove the umbilical cord lines.

Melia had a much better day today. She was much more relaxed on the ventilator and you could tell that she was taking advantage of having the ventilator do most of the work for her after working so hard and exhausting herself for the past few days. She enjoyed mommy's milk and is now being fed 2 ml every 4 hours. Like her sister the other day, Melia was given a suppository and is finally pooping out some of those toxins so she can hopefully come off the phototherapy light soon.

In an effort to get the girls to stop desaturating when we touch them, since they get overstimulated so easily, I was taught this "hand hugging" technique by one of the NICU nurses. Typically with this technique you're really not supppose to touch the baby at all, but just cup your hands around her. I need to touch my little girls, so I cupped them very lightly at their hands and their feet - giving them a sense of security and confinement, without making them feel held down. It really works great, especially with Melia. Whenever I see her oxygen levels getting low due to stimulation, I hold her like this and talk quietly to her - her oxygen levels come right back up to normal - and it's such a great feeling knowing that I helped to calm her even though I can't pick her up and soothe her the way that I'd like to.