April 27, 2009

There are certain days in life that you'll always remember. The type of day that most other people wouldn't remember, or even realize that it holds significance for you. The type of day that you will always remember where you were when you got certains news, what song was on the radio, the smell that was in the air and not only the date, but the day of the week. For me, Monday, April 27, 2009, is one of those days.

It started off like every other Monday, me being miserable,swollen, exhausted, uncomfortble, not wanting to go to work, not feeling well in any regard, but powering through. The week prior I had a doctor's appointment and my gynocologist felt like I was dilating. I spent about 4 hours at doctor's appointments between her and the high risk doctor; with the high risk doctor, Dr. Smith, ultimately declaring that everything was fine and sending me home. From that point I knew that things were going to take a turn. I kind of already knew before that point too, just intuition I guess.  I had already started getting my caseload in order for my coworkers who would have to pick up my slack. By April 27th, I felt like things at work were pretty much taken care of. I left work that day not feeling too well, but definitely not thinking that I wouldn't be returning the next day.  April 27th is the day that I officially went into preterm labor. The day that I began my first stent at the hospital. The day that I was put on total bedrest. The day that I consider to be the first time that I truly felt like a mother. I know that sounds strange. Some people say that you become a mother on the day that you give birth.  Some people say that you become a mother the day that you concieve, with all the sacrifices that a woman makes to take care of her unborn baby. For me, I was always the type of person to believe the latter. I sacrificed a lot to get pregnant, a lot to be pregnant, and I did think of myself as a mother from the time I found out that I was pregnant. Until April 27th. That was the day that I no longer just thought of myself as such, but I really felt it. At 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant I was having contractions and sent to the hospital. There I was, laying down in labor and delivery with doctors and specialists monitoring me and the girls. I was beyond horrified.  Without giving the exact play by play that I can so vividly recall, I'll give the short version - I was given steroid injections to boost the girls lungs in case they weren't able to stop the contractions - I was doubled up on IV fluids and antibiotics - and I was put on Procardia, which is actually used as a blood pressure medication, but in this case it was used to stop the contractions.  Luckily, the Procardia did the trick for the time being. 

I lay in bed tonight, one year later, and I reflect on all of this. One year ago today, at this exact moment, I was in hysterics, terrified about what was to come, scared to death that my babies wouldn't make it. Tonight, I'm not quite in hysterics, but I'm emotional. I remember the exact room of labor and delivery that I was in. I remember the nurses and doctors that were on staff that night. And if I didn't remember, I have it all written down in a journal that I was keeping, which for some reason I feel the need to look back on and read - kind of like when you're sad and you can't help but pull out that old cd of the most depressing songs, then you listen to it, over and over and over again. Like a glutton for punishment I do look back on my journal, not that I need to. This date alone puts me back in that place. I can close my eyes and smell the hospital, feel the contraction monitor on my belly, hear the girls' heartbeats on the monitor and the crinkle of the paper as it would fold down from hours and hours of recording their heart rates - vivid, vivid memories - the things that aren't written down and can't be logged in my journal - they're all right there at the forefront of my mind. And when I cry tonight, it's for a very different reason. I cry tonight because just thinking about where we all were one year ago is still frightening. I cry tonight because in the next room I have two incredible, gorgeous, amazing little girls. I cry tonight because on April 27, 2009, I began feeling like a mother - and because today, April 27, 2010, I am.

March Milestone Madness

Did I say in my last post that I'd give anything to have a sleepless night, holding and cuddling my girls?? Well, Maddie must've read the blog and decided to take my words literally. The girls had been fighting congestion for a few weeks. Every time we thought it was clearing up, it would come right back, but that's all it was - congestion - no fevers, nothing indicative of anything more than a cold. Until I typed the words that I'd love to have a night of holding my babies. I think it was actually the following night, Maddie developed a low grade fever - and beyond that, she was completely inconsolable. I spent my entire night with her laying on my chest - literally unable to put her down without her screaming and throwing a little mini temper tantrum - this was very unlike her. Melia tends to be the dramatic one, but not so much Maddie. So after a few attempts to put her down and seeing her reaction, I decided that if sleeping on my chest was what she needed to be able to rest comfortably, then so be it. The following day the girls happened to be scheduled for their final shot of synagis, so with that appointment already scheduled, I just called the doctor and asked that Maddie be seen for a medical visit while we were there. As suspected, Maddie had an ear infection. Dr. Luke gave us some amoxicillin and unfortunately, Maddie wasn't able to get her synagis shot that day. Melia still got her synagis shot since she was showing no signs of a fever or infection. Maddie went home with a 10 day supply of antibiotics and went back to the doctor once the medication was done - she was all cleared of the infection and got her last synagis shot on that day. Phew! RSV season is just about over and we made it through!!!


From the beginning of March it seems that the girls are doing something new every single day. It has been a very eventful month, and the title of this blog is true to it's name for sure! Before we left for vacation the girls were just about getting the hang of the spoon feeding thing, but then they got sick and wanted no part of it. So while we were away we decided to give them (and Grandpa and Grandma Rosie) a break from the spoon feeding. When we got back, we resumed and there was this huge difference. From the very first attempt they were there with their mouths wide open and asking for more, not even giving us time to get another spoon full. They're at the point now where the seem to enjoy their food more than their bottles. Dinner seems to be their favorite meal - something about that pureed meat in a jar does it for them I guess, because they L-O-V-E it!!


On St. Patrick's Day (which also happens to be daddy's birthday), Madison popped out her first 2 teeth!! I've been checking their mouths for teeth everyday because it's clear that they're teething. Their moods didn't really clue me off, because they were still in a good mood, but the drooling and the constant need to put anything and everything in their mouths was at an all time high. I had just checked their mouths the morning before and there was no sign of a tooth, but while Mike was home with them on St. Paddy's Day he felt Maddie's bottom two teeth! I couldn't believe it! She's such a champ - popped two teeth and didn't make so much as a peep! The drama queen on the other hand, she didn't handle it quite as well. About a week and a half later, on March 29th, Melia popped her bottom two teeth also. She had one really bad day where she was inconsolable, but the next day, the teeth had popped through and she was perfectly fine. So, all in all, the popping through of the bottom teeth went pretty well - I'd say that one day of being inconsolable isn't really much to complain about.


On March 20th we had Mike's family over for dinner to celebrate his birthday. We were all talking about how close the girls seemed to crawling. They weren't quite pulling themselves up on all fours yet, but they seemed like they were on the road there. Everyone left for the night and I brought the girls up to the nursey to change them into their jammers and it happened...I was changing Melia's diaper and I had Maddie in her crib...I looked over to her and there she was, up on all fours, rocking back and forth!! I called Mike upstairs, but by the time he came up, she collapsed onto her tummy. He took her out of the crib and put her on the floor and it didn't take but a couple minutes and sure enough, she did it again! And since that day, she's been on all fours constantly! She is trying soooo hard to crawl! If she could just realize that she needs to lift her hands and move her arms, she'd be in business! It's coming...it's coming really soon! Everyday I think it will be the day - hopefully she's waiting for the weekend so I can be home to see it. Probably not, but a mom can dream! :-)  Over the next few days Melia tried to follow in her sister's footsteps - she would get up for a few seconds but couldn't quite hold the position long enough to get a good back and forth rock going on - but sure enough, a week later, on Mardh 27th, she was right there next to Maddie - two little crazy rocking babies!


On March 25th, Melia started sitting up on her own. She still gets a little wobbly at times, especially if she reaches for something, but she's pretty solid. Maddie just started doing the same over this past weekend (April 3rd)- she doesn't quite have it down as well as Melia, in fact, on Easter she took a couple head shots to the hardwood floor from toppeling over, but she's definitely getting more solid with it every day.

It was total March Madness at the Marcino's...and I can't wait to see what April has in store!

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Sick and Snow and Cancelled Flights...oh my...

Well, February was a short month, so my lack of blogging should be forgiven...right? Right.

It was a stressful month. The girls both got sick for the first time - and I'm pretty sure it hurt me, emotionally and physically, way more than it did them. Early in the month Melia started with a pretty bad cough...after a couple of sleepless nights and the cough sounding worse by the day, Mike took her to the doctor (it was the day after Superbowl Sunday, so I had to go to work, so daddy flew solo on this doctor appointment). Madison was only coughing here and there, and it didn't sound nearly as bad as Melia's, but Mike had the doctor check Maddie too, just for good measure. The doctor was concerned about Lia's weezing and prescribed nebulizer treatments 4 times a day for the next week or so. Maddie wasn't weezing, so he didn't see the need for the nebulizer with her, but he prescribed enough refills for Lia so we could use it on Maddie too if her cough started to sound more like Lia's. At first Lia did really well with the treatments - she would just lay there and let us hold that little mask over her tiny little mouth and nose - it was as if she realized that it was medication vaporizing out of the mask and she knew it was helping her. Unfortunately, it took about 10 minutes for the full treatment to vaporize, and with that said, by day 3 - after doing this 4 times a day - she wasn't as cooperative all the time anymore - it would depend on how tired she was. Poor thing...she looked so defeated sometimes, just laying there, holding the mask to her own face.

By Valentine's Day she seemed a little better in regard to her cough...but a couple of days prior, it seemed that Maddie caught the stomach virus that just about everyone I know, and their kids, have had over the past 4-6 weeks. I took Maddie to the doctor on Friday after she had been vomitting, let me rephrase, projectile vomitting and/or pooping, everything she had eatten for about a 36 hour period. I couldn't get her to keep anything down and I couldn't get her to want anything to do with Pedialyte, so I was really worried about her getting dehydrated. As soon as the doctor walked in the room he said "you made it soooo close to getting through cold/flu season without them getting sick!" - and that I did...almost made it through, but not quite. Sure enough, the doctor weighed her and she had lost a full pound from her doctor visit 4 days prior on Monday. Luckily, she peed in her diaper while the doctor was in the room, otherwise, I think she would've gotten herself a one way ticket to the hospital. Dr. Luke gave me a few tricks to dilute her formula with water and to halfway freeze the Pedialyte until it was like a slushy and spoon feed it to her - if these tricks didn't work and she still couldn't keep anything down within 24 hours, she was going to be sent to the hospital for IV fluids. Now, we all know that Madster enjoys hospital visits, so I was a little worried. But luckily, she came around...she started holding her food down and as it turns out that she thoroughly enjoys Pedialyte slushies, but ONLY in grape flavor! :-)

I'm currently blogging from the airport in Aruba. Mike and I thought it would be a good idea to have a quick getaway for ourselves. Given everything we've been through in the past year and a half - between what my body went through to get pregnant, what it went through to stay pregnant, and the stress and emotional toll that it all took out of us both, we felt entitled to a little time away. I was reluctant to go. We couldn't take the girls because they can't be on an airplane during RSV season - and truthfully, bringing them along would've kind of defeated the purpose and intention of this particular trip. We discussed it for months and then one day, in a manic episode I just pulled the trigger on it...just like that, vacation booked on January 23rd for a 4 night stay in Aruba only 4 weeks later, with us leaving on February 22nd. It had to be done that way in order for me to follow through with it. I couldn't have time to dwell on it.

I don’t like the idea of being that mother, or that parent for that matter, who can’t leave my children. The fact of the matter is that I left my children every night for 8 weeks while they were in the NICU. Leaving them in the hospital on June 9th when I was inevitably kicked out of the hospital 5 days post delivery, was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. If I could leave them that day, I could leave them now. Right? Right! I understood the value of having this time away with Mike. And anytime anyone said things like “I can’t believe you’re leaving your babies!!” with the look of absolute horror and disgust on their face – I wanted to back slap them. I mean, give me a break – we’re not leaving them in a kennel like dogs while we vacation – they’re having quality time with their grandfather, who is quite honestly, the person I trust most in this entire world. So, to all the people who just can’t believe that I’d go on vacation – zip it! They’re at an age where they don’t get the concept of missing us, so it’s not stressful for them to be without us for a few days. Similar to them being sick, this is something that would bother me way more than it would bother them. Now was the time to do it – fully realizing going into it that this would be our last vacation as a two-some – with all other vacations from here on in revolving around doing things that the girls will enjoy.


Though again, I do admit that I had anxiety about going. The idea of being without them for 4 nights was strange and I knew I’d miss them terribly. I’m not anxiety prone. Never have been. I roll with the punches, take things as they come and very little genuinely bothers me. Until now. I started thinking about things that I’d never thought of before…like what if the plane crashes and now the girls are left without their mom and dad. I've been in the air more times than I can count – and the idea of the plane going down never bothered me. But now, I am not my primary concern. It took multiple friends to talk me off of the ledge regarding this issue on multiple occasions before the trip.


So on Thursday, when the biggest snow storm of the year – maybe of the past few years actually – hit the northeast, just one day before we were due to fly back home - I just looked at Mike and said, “Yup – this is exactly why being away from the girls gives me anxiety. What if we get stuck here?!?!” – and sure enough our flight was cancelled and the airline couldn’t get us on a flight home until Wednesday. Yes, Wednesday. Due to leave on Friday after a 4 night stay and suddenly that 4 night stay turned into a 9 night stay – our vacation doubled – and this was not okay with either one of us. I checked with multiple airlines - nothing was available – getting into the northeast just wasn’t happening – though they all told me to call back in a day or two to see if anything opened up or if additional flights were added on. Trapped in paradise – sounds ridiculous I suppose – to anyone without children that is. On Sunday I went on another hunt for a flight out of there and finally found one for the following day – today, Monday, March 1st – 3 days longer than we intended to be away, but 2 days prior to when we originally thought we’d be stuck until - and now, I’m now blogging from the air – in route to Atlanta – one step closer to being home. Finally!!


I had packed a couple of photo albums that I made with some of my favorite pictures of the girls. We looked at them everyday, but after we got trapped there, all we did was look at them. The entire vacation, all we did was talk about them – we talked about the past and all the events that led up to us requiring time away – we talked about the present, talking about some of the cute things they’ve been doing recently and wondering what they’re doing at that very moment, looking at the time and taking a guess on such – we talked about the future – future vacations with them, what we think they’ll be like as they grow up, where they’ll go to school, all that fun stuff.

I miss my little ladies..and as I sit on this airplane, very anxiously awaiting seeing them in another few hours, I think about all the things I miss…


I miss hearing them talk in the morning. I miss hearing their laughs. I miss the way they search the room for me and the way that they follow me with their eyes from the moment I come home from work. I miss their smiles. I miss the way they look at me with those huge blue eyes. I miss their crazy hair, and especially how crazy it gets after they get a bath. I miss their little clothes and the way they look in their footsie jammers. I miss the way that they hold hands when we lay or sit them next to each other. I miss watching them look around and their reactions to new things.


I miss the way that Melia kicks her feet in the bathtub. I miss the look on Madison’s face when I pour bathwater over her head – she’s not a fan of it and looks tortured and surprised every single time.


I miss the way that Maddie rubs her eyes when she’s tired. I miss watching her sleep on her side, her new favorite position. Even when she's playing, she'll take a mid-morning nap on her side...

I miss the way that she smiles, flaps her arms and kicks her legs every single time I go into the room to give her the binky that she inevitably loses and can’t find in the middle of the night – whether it’s 2am, 4am or 6am – I walk in there, she sees me and she had the biggest, goofiest, smile on her face and her body just starts wiggling like a little crazy person – it takes everything inside me not to smile back or laugh at her – I just give her that binky and walk away so she knows it’s time to keep sleeping – but if she does it tonight, she will be taken out of the crib because I NEED to hold her!


I miss Melia’s rosie cheeks.

I miss the way that she always needs to have me within an eye shot of her or she just freaks out. I miss the way that she bangs on everything she sees like a little beast, that's her new thing. I miss watching them fight (already) over the same toy...

I miss the way they smell. I miss reading them their bedtime stories. I miss holding them. I miss rocking them. I miss bouncing them. I miss singing to them (though I’m pretty sure they don’t miss that ;-)) I miss kissing them.

Even the things that I can’t stand to do – like clipping their nails, cleaning their ears, changing their diapers and doing their 100 loads of laundry every week. The very thing that made me feel like I couldn't wait for this vacation, them being sick and all the vomit, diarrhea and sleepless nights that came along with it - I miss that too. I'd give anything for a sleepless night of sitting up rocking them right now.  And although I hate to hear them cry, I miss the sound of that also.


I miss it all.


As much as I try not to, I take these things for granted. We all do. These are the little things in life that ordinarily, we just do – we just notice without even really realizing that we’re noticing - and we don’t think about it further than the moment itself.


It didn’t take getting trapped on an island and away from them for longer than anticipated for me to realize that I loved all these things about my daughters – I knew all that – but it does serve as fantastic blog inspiration. They are my whole life. I didn’t need a reminder of that, but being  uncontrollably away from them, I got that reminder whether I liked it or not.


For those of you who have children, read them an extra story tonight. Even if your favorite tv show is coming on or you need to clean up the kitchen and get ready for tomorrow – that’s why we have TIVO – and dishwashers. Enjoy the little moments. They’re the ones you’ll miss the most when you don’t get to have them.


Long story short – I had a great time on my much needed vacation – and had it lasted the 4 nights it was supposed to, it would’ve been perfect. The unexpected extra 3 nights away, I could’ve done without. And with that said, I’m never going on vacation with the girls again. But really, I knew that going in. :-)Aaaaaaand, just as she came around and Melia's cough started to sound better...Melia started the vomitting and the pooping. Her bout of the stomach virus wasn't nearly as bad, lasting only maybe 24 hours while Maddie's lasted about 72....and then Valentine's day came around...Mike had work and there I was, home alone with two sick babies, one slightly more sick than the other, and of course, from all my close contact and snuggling with my sick little ones, I also caught the stomach bug and spent my day doing my best to take care of them, and myself. It wasn't pleasant. But my bug only lasted about as long as Lia's did - so I was lucky in that regard. So Valentine's Day was a lazy day for me and the girls. I did dress them in their little Valentine's Day outfits and had a quick photo shoot though - I mean, that had to be done! ;-)

The girls had their high risk infant follow up appointment at the hospital today. At these appointments they're seen by Dr. Kamtorn, their neonatologist from the NICU. They're also seen by a physical therapist who does a few exercises with them to see where they stand with their developmental and motor skills. So today we saw the physical therapist first. She laid the girls on a mat on the floor and went through the different motor skills with them - testing their hand/eye coordination, their reaching/grabbing, their eye tracking, their rolling, their ability to hold their heads up, their grip/neck/trunk/leg strength - and in the end they "passed with flying colors" - her words. :-) While Maddie is better at rolling, since she can roll herself completely over from back to belly - Lia is better at reaching and grabbing. They are individuals, and so, they each have their own strengths and weaknesses. After physical therapy was over we moved back into the exam room for height/weight checks and a physical exam. I was suprised that Madison's weight hadn't changed since her appointment at the pediatrician a week and a half ago, in fact, she dropped 2 ounces - but, in all fairness, different scales produce different results so I can't get hung up on that (we'll talk more about my hang ups in a minute). Maddie weighed in at 13lbs 5oz and measured at 25 3/4 inches long - this puts her in the 25th percentile for her weight and the 75-90th percentile for her length. Lia weighed in at, get this, 15lbs 1oz - FIFTEEN POUNDS! - I can't believe how big she is - and she measured at 27 1/2 inches long - putting her in the 50th percentile for her weight and above the 95th percentile for her length, even her chronological age! It's funny because when the nurse, Debbie (who I have a very good relationship with and still email with her on a regular basis, so she knows my neuroses) told me that Maddie was only in the 25th percentile for her weight, I guess she saw the disappointment in my face. I try so hard not to do that - not that I don't want to show my disappointment...I don't want to even BE disappointed. It's not fair to them. And for the most part, my logical side shines through and I understand that they are growing and learning and doing really exceptionally well. But every now and then I get a case of what I call "preemie mom syndrome".  All moms make comparisons with their children against others - comparing their own children with the children of friends or family that are the same, or nearly the same age. Who's kid is crawling, walking, talking, how many words they can say, how well they focus, how well they listen, how well they eat, how well they sleep - the list goes on and on and on. We just can't help ourselves. Me? I have a double case of the comparisons. I compare the girls against each other, which I know I shouldn't do, but is nearly impossible not to do. And, again, as much as I know I shouldn't do it, I compare them against other children their age - both their gestational and their chronological age. What should a typical 5 month old be doing? And I go through the checklist and then wonder why the girls haven't reached certain developmental milestones. Then I ask myself, which I REALLY shouldn't do, what should a typical 7 1/2 month old be doing? And knowing very well that this is an unfair comparison, I make it anyway. There are parts of me that long for them to miraculously catch up - a completely unrealistic and impossible thing to long for - and that's where preemie mom syndrome comes in. As a preemie mom you have to learn to adjust to the adjusted age thing. When your child is almost 8 months old and people ask if they're crawling, if they're sitting up, if they're doing all those typical things that an 8 month old should be doing...and you say no, because technically, your child isn't 8 months old and so then you need to explain that they're not doing those things because developmentally they're 5 months old...because those 11 weeks that they were born early count as time that should've been spent in the womb and that time doesn't count towards developmental age. It's a tough adjustment to make - sometimes, more than others - and sometimes it causes frustration with not only myself and other people, but with the girls too. A couple recent examples where my preemie mom syndrome has overruled my logical thinking...

The girls are spoon feeding now - well, attempting to spoon feed now. I know I mentioned in the last blog that we're working on this more consistently now. So before every bottle we try to give the girls a bit of cereal by spoon - and they just aren't into it. I found myself complaining to a friend the other day and using the words, they aren't "getting it" - complaining about how I just want it to click with them already and I immediately felt wrong for saying that. It can just get so frustrating - mixing the cereal to different consistencies to try to find that right texture that will make them want to eat it. Trying all sorts of tricks to get it to "click".  The friend that I was talking to had a preemie of his own (who is now 7 years old and super healthy and active) and he said the perfect thing - "relax, it isn't a race, they'll get there" - and he's 100% right. They're learning - and they're trying - and that's fine by me. Even Debbie said today that spoon feeding is still a little early for them because they're not even 6 months old yet according to their adjusted age. Melia is actually starting to get it over the past day or two - and Maddie just today had her best oatmeal eating performance. It will come, I know that - my syndrome just needs a friendly reminder every now and then. 

My other example is something that I struggle with on a regular basis. The girls age. When people ask how old they are I struggle with what to say - and any preemie mom knows exactly what I mean - and everyone else thinks this struggle is ridiculous. Here's the deal on this...when people ask how old they are and I tell the truth, the chronological truth - 7 1/2 months old - I get the same exact reaction - "oh my, they're soooo small" - and then I have this overwhelming need to explain, which I can't stand about both myself and the situation. It's none of anyone's business. Maybe I just have small children. Big deal. And quite frankly, people that make remarks on any level are rude and I should really just smile and walk away without feeling the need to explain anything at all. But I don't, because I can't...because I have preemie mom syndrome. So here's the kicker. Last week at the pediatrician's office a woman asked me how old the girls were - and in an effort to avoid the inevitable explanation that I'd feel obligated to hand out - I told her that the girls were 4 1/2 months old, going by their adjusted age. And what did the woman say? "Oh wow, they're so big!" - I just looked at Mike, who put his head down and laughed at me (because he doesn't have preemie dad syndrome), and I said "I can't win" - haha.

Overall, the girls are doing excellent. They are both exactly where they should be according to their adjusted age of almost 5 months old. In Dr. Kamtorn's words..."they're perfect - with no real signs of being preemies" - and I know that they are, but I'm biased, so I needed to hear it from the experts - and I'm so glad that they all confirmed what I already knew, but unintentionally allowed my preemie mom syndrome to make me second guess. Everyone commented today on how happy they are, how beautiful they are and how fantastic they are doing. I have to gorgeous, healthy, active little girls and I need to remember that I don't have a single thing to complain about. Bottom line is this...my daughters are exceptional - they are perfect - and I...need to find a pill to curb my preemie mom syndrome. ;-)

Rolling into 2010

Once again, it’s been way too long since I’ve had the chance to blog. I feel like the girls have done so much in the past month. Every day it seems that they are doing something new.

Maddie on the left, Lia on the right

Maddie being adorable on our way out to the mall on NYE

Lia loves her new hat!

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We left off just after Thanksgiving. At that point the girls were smiling more and more, laughing here and there and Melia had just showed some interest in reaching and grabbing. What a difference a month makes! Now, they don’t stop smiling – they even wake up smiling! They are talking all the time, and by talking, I mean not only babbling, but making shrilling screams! I really need to teach them about how to use their inside voices…especially Maddie – she’s definitely the talker/screecher. They laugh all the time, and anything within reaching distance is in their hands and then immediately in their mouths. Including my hair, which Melia got an incredible grip on today, started swinging it and laughed in my face as I tried to free my hair from her remarkably strong grip. I keep saying that Melia is no doubt going to be the trouble maker of the two, and that just gave me a little more proof of her evil nature! ;-) They’re definitely teething, though no teeth have quite poked through yet, they are drooling like little saint bernards and constantly have something in their mouths, and if they can’t find something within reach, well, that’s what hands are made for, right? Their temperament hasn’t changed yet or anything like that, but I’m bracing myself for double teething fun in the coming weeks. They’re taking their binkies in and out of their mouths now. Of course, not really knowing how to get it back in their mouths the right way, this leads to some frustration, but they’re getting better at it.

Speaking of frustration, we’ve learned that Madison is, as of right now, the more determined one. She was trying so hard to roll over for weeks…and you could see the determination in her eyes…and when she wasn’t able to do it, she’d get so frustrated. Until one day, it happened! Other than being born first, this is the first thing that Maddie has done before Melia – she rolled over from back to front! The first time she did it she was in her crib (on December 18th) and she had just eaten. I was in the kitchen washing bottles and listening to the usual morning babbles and screeching from the two of them. Maddie started screeching a little louder and differently than usual, so I went upstairs to check on her and sure enough, she had rolled over and couldn’t figure out how to get her elbows underneath her, so she couldn’t lift her head. She was so frustrated! Even though she’d rolled over, she couldn’t quite get the tucking of the elbow thing down. But, nonetheless, she did it!! She made her first big roll – and no one was there to see it! Over the next couple weeks, she would roll over here and there, but never in front of anyone! Then slowly but surely she was doing it often enough throughout the day that Mike got to see her do it, but she was still not letting me see it. I begged her. I set up the video camera and left the room. Nothing. She knew I was watching! Until finally just this past Thursday (January 7th) she gave me the big show! She can’t always get the elbow thing together, but she’s getting more consistent with it. Unlike Madison, Melia has only recently, that being in the past week or so, showed a true interest in rolling over. Up until now, she would try for a second, realize that it would take a lot of effort to get it done and she’d immediately, and happily, give up. She was content with just staying where she was and not striving for that extra goal. But now, she’s so determined to roll over that she’s trying to cheat! Yup, told you she’s a trouble maker – she’s cheating already! She will grab onto the bar of the playmat, the side of the playgym or even grab on to Madison’s hand to try to pull herself over. This move is smart, but sneaky. Haha.

On December 10th we tried spoon feeding for the first time. I've been putting oatmeal in their bottles for months now, and even though they were chronologically 6 months old, but actually about 3 months old developmentally, our pediatrician wanted us to give spoon feeding a whirl and see how they did. It didn't go so well. They both had no idea what to do with the goop in their mouths (which was rice cereal by the way) and they couldn't really understand that we wanted them to open their mouths when the spoon approached. Now that they're another month old, and love putting things in their mouths, we're trying again. Melia seems to be getting it, kind of. Maddie still wants nothing to do with it - but, it's a work in progress. We'll get there.

Another thing we learned is that Maddie loves to be scared! This video says it all….

And to the contrary, Melia is definitely not a fan of the daddy says boo game! I was uploading that video on the computer and had Melia on my lap. As the video came up and played, Melia started watching it and immediately started crying hysterically. She was so terrified – just by watching Mike on video scaring Maddie. I felt so bad for her, but couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction to it. (Okay, so maybe we see where Melia gets her evil streak from) ;-)

The girls had their final appointment with the gastroenterologist on December 29th. Dr. Sunaryo declared them gastro graduates and doesn’t need to see them anymore! What great news! He was so happy with their weight gain since their last appointment a couple months ago – and they hadn’t taken their Pepcid since about December 8th and hadn’t had any acid reflux episodes, so he officially took them off of the Pepcid.

Then of course the girls have been to the pediatrician twice since I last blogged for their synagis shot (RSV vaccine). It’s so amazing to see the girls personalities even shine through in a moment like that. Maddie handles getting shots so much better than Melia does – and we attribute that to all that she had been through in the NICU. Melia sailed right through without a single procedure and so I don’t think that she can handle the poking and proding quite as well as Maddie does. At their last appointment, just this past Thursday (January 7th) they had to get the synagis shot broken up into two injections because of their weight. The have both been doing so well with their weight gain. As of Thursday, Maddie is weighing in at 13lbs 7oz and Melia is 14lbs 11oz – still a little more than one pound between them, but recently we can visibly notice that Maddie is catching up to Lia! They’re in size 2 diapers now and wearing 3-6 month clothing, leaning towards the 6 month side. They turned 7 months old on Tuesday (January 5th) and while they’re developmental skills are definitely parallel to where they should be according to their adjusted age of 4 months, they seem to be catching up size-wise to their chronological age.

The last month has been a busy one with the synagis appointments and other doctor appointments, and of course, with the girls’ first Christmas! We decided not to get professional pictures done for their first Christmas pictures, and in the picture to the right, Melia is proving exactly why we made that decision. Mike worked his usual 24 hour shift on Christmas Eve, and I worked also, but only for what boiled down to a half day. The girls and I spent Christmas Eve at Grandpa and Grandma Rosie’s house and we had a great dinner and the girls got their first Christmas gifts. Christmas morning Mike got home at about 7am and we exchanged our gifts while the girls were still sleeping. Then when they let us know that they were ready to see what santa left them under the tree, we did just that. With their new love of grabbing, I was able to get them to grab a piece of wrapping paper so I could make them “unwrap” their gifts. They obviously had no clue what was going on, but for Mike and I, it was a fantastic morning. I picked up Grandma (my mom) and brought her back to the house for breakfast. Then we all went to Aunt Riss and Uncle Joe’s for Christmas dinner. The day after Christmas was our busiest day, with lots of places to go. We started our day with breakfast at Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Tracy’s house, then had lunch with Aunt Gel and Uncle Bri and then made our last stop for dinner at Nana’s. It was an exhausting, but fun day and the girls handled the car rides, the being off schedule and the general chaos remarkably well.

Lia on the left and Maddie on the right

The two best gifts I've ever had under my tree

We did make a quick trip to the mall to get a picture with Santa,

unfortunately, all 3 of them look pretty uninterested.

Christmas night...Lia on left, Maddie on right

Maddie on Christmas Eve

Lia on Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve

Lia on left, Maddie on right

Christmas afternoon

Lia on left, Maddie on right
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On New Years Eve we stayed in – just the 4 of us. Mike and I made dinner and had a little at home date night – spending a lot of time reminiscing about the craziness of the past year – 2009 had more ups and downs than I can count – to call it a roller coaster would be a complete understatement. From preterm labor at 23 weeks into my pregnancy, multiple hospitalizations with me ultimately becoming a permanent resident of the high risk anti-partum unit at St. Barnabas, going into true labor and delivering the girls by way of an emergency c-section on June 5th, at 29 weeks 1day gestation, 8 full weeks of watching our little girls fight their way through the NICU, bringing them home and learning how to become a real parent, and not just a hospital parent, constant doctor appointments, formula issues, milk allergies, figuring it all out, apnea monitors, an overnight stay at the hospital for Maddie’s blood transfusion, an emergency room visit for Maddie for possible RSV…the list of what we’ve been through this year just goes on and on. But as we look back, we can’t be anything other than thankful for where we are, going into 2010. There were times over the past year, during my pregnancy and then during their first few weeks of life, that I really didn’t know if we would all make it through. But we did. We all did. And 10 days into 2010, I can already see what an amazing year this is going to be as we watch Maddie and Lia grow, learn, and develop their personalities. I just can’t wait to know the person that each of them will become.