Sleepless in Rahway

So as you all know, yesterday was our big day - the biggest and best landmark Thursday - and it was just as amazing as I'd envisioned. I was finally that woman that all the other women smile at as they walk by in the hospital - the woman going home with her baby - or in my case, babies. I've been so pissed off that I wasn't that woman. I'll just come out and say it...every time that I walked in to or out of the hospital and I saw a woman being wheeled out of the post-partum unit holding her baby lovingly in her arms - I wanted to push her into oncoming traffic. There. I said it. Okay, obviously I wouldn't actually do it - but I'm sorry, but that's the extent of my jealously and frustration. Most of you will think that I'm out of my mind for thinking that, nevermind admitting to it - but I've learned that it's a pretty universal feeling among NICU moms - a feeling that only another NICU mom can understand. It would literally bring tears to my eyes to see these women. It's just another part of the baby-having process that I felt robbed of. I contemplated requesting a wheel chair yesterday and creating my own moment, but I stopped myself. haha (kidding people, no worries, I'm not quite that crazy). :-) Not driving up to the NICU everyday is going to be strange at first. I can't believe that the girls are really home after only 8 weeks. Though our days were long, the time really did fly by - and I can't believe that it's over. The past 8 weeks are a time that the girls will never remember, but Mike and I will never forget.

It was a long day and we finally got home with our little girls around 6pm. It would've been sooner, but about 1/4 of the way home I realized that I forgot my remaining breast milk in the NICU freezer and there was no way that I was going home without it! Pumping is my least favorite thing to do in this world. I do it for my girls because they're worth every drop - and I intend for them to drink every last drop of what I've made for them. So yes, Mike turned to me and said "Do you seriously want me to turn around for that?" and I insisted that he make the first possible u-turn. They don't call breast milk "liquid gold" for nothing! It's valuable stuff - and not to be wasted! So anywho, I digress - we got home around 6pm and the house was beautifully decorated with flowers, balloons and banners set up by Mike's sister, Marissa. It was such a nice welcome home to the girls.

The first thing we had to do was feed them. They were already an hour behind schedule due to the late discharge and my liquid gold fiasco. So yes, within minutes of leaving the hospital we'd already broken their feeding schedule. So we gave them their first meal at home and then we showed them around a bit. If they had the ability to express appropriate emotion, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't been super excited. :-) Within an hour of being home there was a poop-ridden outfit soaking in my bathroom sink. Within a few hours of being home there was probably about 20 burp clothes randomly left throughout the house with regurgitated milk all over them.

All this time we've been a mother and a father...going to the NICU a couple times per day...giving them feedings and baths - doing all that we can to interact with them and be a part of their NICU world - but yesterday it truly felt like we were mom and dad. One of the things that really bothers me about the whole NICU experience is that my girls are now 8 weeks old (as of today) and I feel like I don't even know them. I don't really know their likes and dislikes. I have no idea what their nightly sleeping patterns are like. Silly things like that I feel like I've missed out on and now I have to learn. Melia's primary nurse (who had Melia every time she worked, and so she also took care of Madison for a decent period of time also) told me the night before the girls were coming home that Madison tends to be very cranky after her 2am feeding and that she basically demands to be held after that time - to the point that another nurse once had to sit and hold Maddie while her primary nurse tended to other babies. Well, she speaks the truth, I can tell you that. Melia is pretty consistent, she eats, poops, sometimes poops while she eats to kill two birds with one stone and sleeps. That's it. She was really content just about all night long. Madison on the other hand wanted absolutely no part of sleeping - or being quiet. She was awake all night long, and not silently. She fussed from midnight until 6am - with a little 1o minute power nap every so often so she could regain the energy she'd just burned. I'm pretty sure she's nocturnal (she sleep so contently all day long today, so we'll see what tonight brings - but I think Maddie is going to need a lesson in nightime vs. daytime. So naturally, there was very little sleep going on - which of course, we anticipated - but I at least thought I'd get a couple hours here and there in between feedings. Not so much. I think I got a total of 40 minutes in. But anyway - who am I kidding - I probably wouldn't have gotten much actual sleep anyway.

We had our first family outing today - to the pediatrician. :-) The girls aren't allowed to go anywhere really for the next 8 weeks or so. We don't have to keep them quarantined or anything, but they can't be in public or crowded places - and when people visit them here they need to wash their hands really well and use hand sanitizer before every time that they touch the girls. I know it seems over the top for those of you not familiar with preemies, but this is very necessary to make every effort make sure that the girls don't get sick. Their immune systems are still so compromised and we all have to be extremely careful. So with that said, I love you all - but if you're sick or think you're becoming sick, don't you dare step foot inside my house. :-) Our pediatrician came recommended by one of the NICU social workers, and happens to also be the pediatrician of our friends Brian and Angelica's children, who were also born premature. We liked him a lot. He really took his time looking over the girls - and before coming in took the time to read through every detail of their medical records from St. Barnabas. In fact, he may have taken too much time. The girls' appointment was at 1:30pm, made at that time purposely by the nurse because it's the first appointment after lunch - this way, the girls could go immediately into an exam room rather than be in the waiting room for a prolonged period of time, exposed to too many people and sick children. When I made their appointment, that alone made me feel really good about the practice. Once the nurse knew that they were preemies, she knew that they needed a little extra special care with something as simple as not having them wait in the waiting room too long. Unfortunately, as thorough as their doctor was, it took a little more time than the girls would've liked. By the time the doctor was done reading their medical records and gave them a full exam, our 1:30pm appointment didn't end until 2:45pm - and of course, the girls were due to eat at 2pm and were screaming bloody murder by the time all was said and done. Luckily, my mind isn't completely fried yet and I grabbed a couple bottles and threw them in the diaper bag, just in case the appointment was longer than expected. Seeing how hungry and hysterical the girls were, the doctor told us to stay and use the exam room to feed the girls before we left. Another thing that gave me a really good feeling about this pediatric practice. So there we were, 3pm, feeding the girls in the pediatrician's exam room. Haha. It was pretty hilarious. Our first outing was quite the debacle - every time I put one of the girls in or out of the car, I manage to loosen an electrode on the apnea monitor and a piercing sound soars through the parking lot or my driveway - and of course screaming babies, timing not going on schedule - you know, the usual chaos to expect from now on. Chaos drives me nuts, but truly, I welcome it.

Speaking of the apnea monitor - we've had some alarms already. Some false, where the electrodes loosen or aren't picking up properly - and others that were legit. I'll just keep it short and sweet on this and say that I'm very glad that we decided to get them.

Tonight we gave the girls their first real bath - semi-submerged in water because I couldn't quite get those slippery little critters fully submerged with one hand on her and the other on a washcloth without feeling like I was going to dunk her completely. They didn't handle it as bad as expected. Melia had her moments, but actually seemed to like it for the most part. Madison didn't seem to hate it, but I wouldn't say it was her favorite thing to do. What is Madison's favorite thing to do? Today, it was sleep. Of course, after not sleeping all night, Miss Madison decided to sleep all day today. Mike set up the swing, so when she did have her very few fussy moments today, we put her in there and I think we may have found a way to calm the beast!! :-) Given her sleep habits today, I don't see much sleep again tonight. I swear this kid thinks she's a hamster - if she had a wheel, this little nocturnal baby would spin on it all night long. So..let's see what tonight brings.

My friend Ileana sent me a text message yesterday night asking me if I've ever been happier. My response: "No dude. Definitely not. This is happiness at it's finest." And there's not much more I can say than that.

**I'm going to make a separate posting with pictures from the girls first night and day at home so make sure you check it out**