Our little superstar Melia continues to do well today. She took more than half of both of her bottle feedings today ~ taking over 20mls of her 33ml feeding. She's up to 3lbs 11oz now - quickly making her way to the 4lb mark! Other than her feedings I didn't get to spend much time with Lia today. Again, my efforts to split myself in two didn't quite work as well as I would've liked them too - and ultimately, Maddie needed me more.
Just as things were looking like they were taking a turn for the better with Madison (who is now 2lbs 13oz), it turns out, not so much. While her infection is close to being completely cleared up, a new problem arose today. As I was getting ready to head to the hospital this morning I got a call from Dr. Kamtorn. Apparently Madison woke up vomiting blood this morning. Dr. Kamtorn was pulled out of a meeting to take a look at her and once again, we don't really have an answer as to what could have caused this. It could be one of two things, either an ulcer, which could've been caused by the fact that her stomach has been empty for a week now and her gastric juices have started to irritate the lining of her stomach - or, it could just be an irritation in the lining of her stomach due to the tubes that she's had in her stomach over the past week to suction up the mucus that was in her stomach when the doctors were trying to figure out if she had NEC. To treat this they put her on Pepcid, which she'll take 2x/day for the next 3 days. Also, they gave her a plasma boost in her blood to help clot any residual blood in her stomach. And as if that weren't enough, her red blood cell count and her hemoglobin dropped again today, so they started her first of two blood transfusions - she got the first one at about 6pm tonight and will get the second at about 8am tomorrow morning (these transfusions being her 6th and 7th in total to date). She was able to get Mike's blood this time around. So, with all this said, Madison was moved back into a radiant bed this morning so that the doctors can once again have better/easier access to her if needed - and she lays there with an IV in both of her little arms, one for her fluids and the other for her transfusion. It's quite the pitiful little sight.
Every treatment for Maddie's problems seem to be double edged swords. She needs a blood transfusion, but there is a chance that the transfusion can cause a blood infection. She needs to stop eating, but her stomach being empty can cause an ulcer. She needs to have mucus suctioned from her stomach, but the tubes and constant suction can cause irritation to the point of bleeding in her stomach. It's so frustrating how every treatment for every problem she's had can, AND DOES, cause an equally negative reaction and/or cause a new problem all together.
Of course, it's as if Madison knows when her father is working, because today of all days I was back at the hospital by myself. I have friends and family that I could've called and I know that they would've come to be with me, but it's just not the same. I was a complete basketcase this morning, sobbing as I was feeding Melia with two nurses and a social worker trying to comfort me. What a mess! I just couldn't help it. The past week has been really hard - and to think that there was a light at the end of the tunnel with her looking better and better the past couple nights, just to have it all crash back down with a new problem to stack on top of it, it was just too much for me to handle today.
The mom of the little girl in the isolette next to Maddie was there at the same time as me tonight. Her daughter was born last week at 24 weeks. She's a little tiny thing, less than 2lbs, but seemingly doing really well for her gestational age. She looked at Madison today and complimented me on how great she looked. Here I am thinking about how terrible she looks, and this other mom looks at me and my baby with envy. She was wishing that her baby was as big and looked as good as my sick little Maddie. She didn't tell me that she wished this, but I know. I could tell by the way she looked at Maddie. I could tell because this mom of a 24 weeker looked at my babies the way that I look at the 32+weekers that come into the NICU. This moment that I shared with this other mom only lasted about a minute, but it helped me put myself back in check. Things could be worse and I need to continue to be grateful for where I am, what I have, how far my girls have come and where they are now. Overall, they are doing great. Maddie is hitting some bumps in the road, but she's going to be okay ~ I know this in my heart ~ I guess on a day like today I just needed a friendly reminder from a complete stranger.
- Mike and Amanda
- I am a 29 year old mother of identical twin girls, Madison and Melia. They were born at 29 weeks, 1 day gestation and spent 8 weeks in the NICU at St. Barnabas Hospital in Livingston, NJ. They hit 40 weeks gestation on August 20, 2009 and are now considered full term. Even though they are actually 11 weeks old, they are just now considered to be newborns. I started this blog as a way to keep friends and family informed on what was going on with the girls while they were in the NICU. It has turned into a keepsake and a therapuetic outlet. I hope that everyone continues to follow along and enjoys sharing this first hand experience of first-time parents of premature twin girls.
Words that I came to live by while on strict bedrest for 6 weeks during my pregnancy, 4 of which were spent in the hospital ~ Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination. Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
