Anyone who knows me well - actually, anyone who knows me at all - knows that I cannot stand a mess. I have a slight case of OCD when it comes to organization. The hardest part of being on bedrest for me wasn't the boredom or discomfort of the whole thing - it was the fact that my house was becoming disorganized and things weren't in the exact place that I wanted them to be in my hospital room. Even at work, I can't get anything done unless my desk is clean and everything is in it's place. I just can't focus when things around me are a mess. To that same effect, when I type this blog, I do so at the end of the night, when the laundry is done, the dishwasher is running and the house is in order. Tonight would be the exception to this rule. Tonight I blog in my living room - completely surrounded by boxes upon boxes and bags upon bags. I could easily take my laptop up to the bedroom and blog in the cleanliness that I usually prefer - but why in the world would I do that on a night like tonight. I sit here so totally content in my mess of pink. My living room, garage and nursery look like a pink bomb went off - twice! From car seats and toys - to bottles and baskets - to the most adorable clothes and most thoughtful and beautiful handmade gifts - I sit here and basque in it all.
For those of you unaware and wondering what the heck I'm rambling about - today was my baby shower - rescheduled from it's original date in May. When planning for my shower began my mother had one main request - that the shower be held early, just in case I went on bedrest or the babies came early. She wanted to make sure that we'd be ready early - and if everything worked out and the girls didn't come early, well then that would be just fine - but she wanted us to be prepared if the unexpected happened. So, the shower was planned for May 17th for babies who weren't due until 3 months later on August 20th. But, unfortunately, I couldn't quite make it even as early as May 17th since I was hospitalized for the first time on April 27th and was on strict bedrest from that point on. The shower was then postponed to a later date - a date to be determined after the arrival of the girls - that date turned out to be July 19th.
I wasn't sure how I was going to feel today. It was a sort of bittersweet experience - and truth be told, I was kind of dreading it at one point. I wasn't sure where I'd be emotionally on a day like this - one more reminder of my body failing me - my baby shower minus my babies kicking around in my belly. A baby shower is the one event in a woman's life where she is praised for being nice and big! Fat equals cute at a baby shower and showing off the baby belly is all a part of the fun. And quite frankly, I felt robbed of this experience. Instead of finding something to showcase my baby bump, I worried about finding something decent to hide my baby weight. So yes, going into the shower, I felt robbed - but coming out, I felt overwhelmingly loved. Friends who live far away drove many miles to come celebrate the birth of my girls. Friends who have important things to take care of at home took time out of their day to spend it with me. Family and friends spent countless hours planning to make this day perfect. I was "showered" with more gifts than I can count, leaving my registry just about empty and my house full of everything that we could possibly need for the girls - and then some! I can't accurately express how lucky I feel to have so many extraordinary people in my life and how very grateful I am that these same people will be in the lives of my girls.
Looking around at the giant pink mess that surrounds me it's becoming all that more real. It's hard now, having to visit my children. I know that they exist, but it's like they're not here because, well, they're not HERE. Now that the shower is over and we can put the final touches on the nursery - we can install the car seats in the car - fill their closet with clothes - add baby products to the linen closet - it's like just now it's become real. The girls are making progress everyday and will be home before we know it - and now, we stand as prepared as we can be. Not prepared of course for what parenthood really entails because there's no way to really prepare for that. Not prepared for the fact that this pink mess that's taken over my house today is just the beginning of my loss of control over messes that will be all over my house in the weeks, months and years ahead. But with the generous gifts, and the genuine support and love that we've been shown, we stand as prepared as we can possibly be - and for that, I thank each and every one of you reading this right now. Whether you were at my shower today or not, if you are reading this blog, you are showing your support and love for all four of us. I thank you. Mike thanks you. And our little baby angels thank you.
Speaking of the little angels - here's the latest....
Madison continues her antibiotics. Her spinal tap drawn last Saturday has now been watched for 7 days and never turned positive - PHEW! The latest blood culture taken on Wednesday also remains negative - so the antibiotics are definitely combating her infection. As of Friday, she is no longer on caffeine, so now the true apnea/bradycardia test will begin. The caffeine in their system is something that helps keep their heartrates elevated and helps them remember to breathe. Now that she's off of the caffeine we have definitely noticed some drifting in her heartrate - but this is all normal and to be expected. She is now 3lbs 12.7oz and on the fast track to the 4lb mark! Once she hits that milestone she'll be ready to be put in a crib! She's taking 28mls of milk every 3 hours and so far is tolerating this amount very well. This is the largest amount of food that she's ever reached, so I'm hoping that her tolerance is an indicator that her digestion issues have subsided. She took her bottle better than ever tonight - finishing the entire bottle by pacing herself perfectly, and so she didn't desaturate once. Yay Maddie!!
Lia continues to do really well. She is no longer on caffeine either, as of yesterday. So far we haven't noticed any drifting in her heartrate, but it's something for us to be aware of in the days ahead. As of tonight she is weighing in at 4lbs 15oz - soooo close to that 5lb mark that I think she might just hit it by tomorrow night! She's still taking 45ml of milk every 3 hours and other than reflux issues causing her to spit up at times, she's tolerating her feedings very well. She had her hearing test yesterday, which is basically just ear muffs over her ears which make noise to stimulate nerve receptors. Bands are placed on the front and back of her head to measure this stimulation to the noise to determine if her hearing is on par - and sure enough, she can hear. I never really had any doubt about this - I mean, I don't think that this little girl would be able to scream, yell and grunt so loudly if she didn't have the ability to hear. :-) Lia too had her best feeding so far tonight - taking her entire bottle without a single desaturation. She actually paced herself really well and didn't need me to pull the bottle from her throughout the feeding like I usually need to do. Yay Lia!!!
That's a wrap for tonight. We'll see what tomorrow will bring....
- Mike and Amanda
- I am a 29 year old mother of identical twin girls, Madison and Melia. They were born at 29 weeks, 1 day gestation and spent 8 weeks in the NICU at St. Barnabas Hospital in Livingston, NJ. They hit 40 weeks gestation on August 20, 2009 and are now considered full term. Even though they are actually 11 weeks old, they are just now considered to be newborns. I started this blog as a way to keep friends and family informed on what was going on with the girls while they were in the NICU. It has turned into a keepsake and a therapuetic outlet. I hope that everyone continues to follow along and enjoys sharing this first hand experience of first-time parents of premature twin girls.
Words that I came to live by while on strict bedrest for 6 weeks during my pregnancy, 4 of which were spent in the hospital ~ Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination. Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
